(Don't) GOOGLE it.

Google has served a very pivotal role in my adult life.  Most of life's profound mysteries have been answered by this all knowing source.

• I think there is a bird chirping in my apartment, but I can't find it? 
• GOOGLE:  The batteries in your fire alarm need to be changed
• How do you make coffee?  (Seriously - they don't put it on the container, and if you don't drink it, but your guests do this is an issue)
• GOOGLE:  full out step by step directions thank you
• When do you send out your Save the Dates?
• GOOGLE:  every yak has an opinion, so we split the difference but it gave us an idea

And the list could go on and on.....but when it comes to medical issues - it should be illegal to Google.

• I think I got bit by a spider, how do I know?
• GOOGLE:  Basically I almost called my mom 2x in one day to tell her I probably only had 36 hours to live
• I think I strained my hip flexor, how long until I can run again?
• GOOGLE:  Your career is over, you have a labral tear.

I mean Justin pretty much put a self ban of Google on for me.  4 weeks ago I started to feel a tug at my hip flexor, and so I did 20 X 200 because I am smart.  And then it felt worse.  And then I did the hardest workout of my career 4 days later because I am REALLY smart.  And then I was done for 4 weeks. Brilliant.

Now, to really be smart I decided to engage Mr. Google and see how I could "fix" this.  And that is when I texted Becky in tears.  

• I had a labral tear
• My leg would probably need to be amputated at the hip
• I would never run again

So if you haven't figured it out by now, I've had a little bit of an ill -afforded setback in training because of my hip flexor strain.  Which sucks, and I am not going to lie  - this year has been ruthless, but this time I had Becky.  Within a week we had it calmed down, within 2 weeks short painless runs, and now at the end of 3 weeks I am running again.  It was a full court press - some days spending up to 3 hours on it.  Watching her work is masterful...she assesses, she stretches, she stabilizes, and then she strengthens.  She has a plan back to the miles and so there is no time to swirl in your head, you just follow it, and it works.  Without her this year, the most important year of course, would be lost.

And yes, last weekend I was supposed to be racing the Chicago 1/2  - doing what I love most in front of the people I love most.  And instead I was running in a pool with Iron Man next to me telling me his life story for the 3rd time, but I hadn't heard in 4 months so I guess I needed a refresher.  

The question now is where does this leave me.  Well 4 weeks is a really hard to make up for, so at this point we are not sure.  The fitness lost is depressing, but all you can do is get up tomorrow and put one foot in front of the other and work your way back.

Which leads me to this morning as I watched a teammate who always kills it - have a humbling day at the office in the Twin Cities Marathon.  And I thought to myself - why do we do this?

Why do we get up day after day before the sun rises and bang out the miles?  Why do we spend endless hours pre-habbing, foam rolling, maintenance, etc?  Why do we place almost all of our heart on a dream?  And for no glory really, I mean it's running.  Yet the heartbreak from the bad races, injuries, training pitfalls, disappointments, come over and over again.  And I guess I realized that yes it's for me, it's my dream, it's my drive.....but part of what keeps you going, part of what makes you wake up each day and go back at it is for all those people who are pulling for you, who want it just as much as you do.  Crossing that line in 2:43 is just as much for me as it is for them.  The endless hours Becky, coach, my mom, my sister, Justin have given to this....this is for them too.

If it seems like I am bummed, I would say I am more just burned out right now.  Work and training have tipped the scale.  But I end with this....

I find myself missing my family and Justin often these past few weeks.  Last week Justin called to tell me that  the moon was going to do something, I can't remember what because honestly he is always telling me about the moon's "doings".  In fact I joke about it that I don't really follow the moon - but honestly I think it's kind of cute :)  Anyways....when I got home I took a picture of it.  It was beautiful.  I texted it to him, and he texted right back.

At that very moment thousands of miles across the country we were looking at the exact same thing in the sky.  And while his worries and stresses are totally different then mine, I can guarantee you we both had "hope" hanging on that moon.

And it's that hope that will get me up in the morning to put one foot in front of the other. Because it's comeback time :)

Back 2 Racing for me & a race for you!

It is hard right now not to feel "insanely" happy.  And I don't by any means intend for that to come across as arrogant - - it's not like I won a major marathon or for that matter any major race.  I mean we're talking local 5k and 10k.  But after 5 months of a whole lot of nothing, 2 weekends in a row of solid races (2 wins and 2 PRs) is satisfying.
It is difficult when you are in the midst of "hell" to see the light (whether it be injury, illness, relationships, work, life, family, etc).  And quite frankly the majority of time when people say "hang in there" you want to either a) punch them in the face or b)  hang them on the branch if they like to hang so much :)
But that statement is true.  You have to HANG on, and just about when you are set to let go, you cannot take it anymore, BOOM, that's when it turns.  You have to hang on though, you cannot, cannot let go.
That's where I was only 4 months ago really - -rock bottom baby. Hanging by my pinky.  My ankle hated me.  I hated my ankle.  Nothing I would do would improve it.  No doctor, PT, insert whomever, really knew what was going on.
I remember one Saturday morning hitting my toe on the counter in the kitchen and literally getting tears in my eyes - not because the toe hurt (it did ) but because I was barefoot because I was icing my stupid ankle which wasn't doing anything anyway.  I was beyond frustrated.  I was ready to give up.  Then later that afternoon I ran into someone at yoga named Becky.  I knew of her, knew she worked with athletes.  But I was in a grouchy mood, and just wanted to be left alone.  She asked me how running was going.  I said it wasn't and she said I should come in and see her.  I didn't know how to say no, but I was sick of doctors, PTs, chiros, etc.  So what do I do, I say yes. I figured I could some how weasel my way out.  But something compelled me to go.  So I did.
And I kept pointing to my ankle, and she kept pointing to my hips, and I kept saying it was my ankle, and she worked on my arch, and I kept saying it was....you get the point.  And just like that by looking at the whole chain, she solved it.  We worked hard no doubt, it wasn't a day fix, but I knew we were on to something when the next day the pain when running was almost nada?  She was vested too, she texted me before I got back from every run to check, she knew the workouts I had, and waited for the results.  She believed in me, and that's what I think I needed most.  She knew I wasn't done.  And she let me know that.  She was the gust of wind that gave me enough strength to get my other hand on the branch and pull myself up.

And after 3 solid months of training now, I was able to kick the cobwebs off and race!  So 2 quick race reviews for you!

Arizona Sunrise Series 5K
I haven't run a 5K in years, but it was perfect as a tune up for the 10K we really wanted to race the next weekend, so we figured game on.
Even at 6:30 am it was 94 degrees so coach said basically don't be stupid - start out conservatively this is not a PR day.  And I actually did manage not to be a moron, and ran 3 consistent miles, at about 5:52 pace for a PR and 1st (18:18).  I felt really strong throughout, body felt great, smooth in strides and follow kick which I have been working on.  I was in 2nd until the last 1/2 mile and have a little bit of a competitive OCD issue, so I red lined it and passed her - and felt that more in my head - which upon finishing felt so hot I thought it might pop off.
It felt great to be out there again, and net the race did exactly what I needed it to do - get the cobwebs off, play with my pre-race routine and nutrition, and build my confidence.

This was near the end where I red-lined it a bit - and you can also see my left arm out there in China - we're working on that :)

Ran this race for 3 teammates who are no longer, as they battle some tough stuff.  #alwaysteammates #Strongertogether

Actually one of the cooler medals I have seen and extra meaning after coming back from injury (net a keeper!)

Jet to Jetty 10K
Yes, I know the name is precious in itself, I actually am not sure why it is called that?  And quite honestly I don't have time to investigate it :)  Anyways, had a good week of training after the 5K - recovered pretty quick with an ice bath and good sleep/nutrition.    Wednesday track left me feeling excited to get after it on race day, and we decided to play it conservatively on miles 1-3 and then if feeling good at the end  - RIP IT.   Yea, I blew this one.  First uphill mile in 5:42 pretty much shot the conservative game plan out the window.  But, previously I would have let that mentally KILL me, I now have such a different perspective on everything, I actually caught myself smiling instead and said - well sister you best hang on :)  And I was able to  - 37:17, a huge PR for me, and a "W" as well.

Ran this one for Becky, she gave me back what I love more than anything - - I wanted to win this one for her badly.

The Jet to Jetty Baby!!!!!!!

This was my ice bath after the race!

My adorable Nephew, Connor, drew this for me before the race.  That's me, don't you see it?  I am very focused.  

This race was in my sponsor's backyard, and it actually turned out to be a Skechers Sweep!  We won the male/female 10K and the female 5K.    

 
So where to from here?  Essentially a whole month of back to training and getting stronger, and then I am stoked to test the legs out at the Chicago 1/2 Marathon at the end of September! Most folks know I love my home turf, and my mom always takes super good care of me on race weekends home!  Mom makes the best PB sandwiches :)  I cannot wait!  Who wants to join me?!  I am not sure the best way to do this, but I think FaceBook might be - so the first person to message me why they want to run the Chicago 1/2 gets to run for free!  I'll send you the code.

Check out the race via the link below!  You have a month to get ready -and the weather and course are epic! And if you aren't first, I have some sweet discount codes I'll send you anyway to make it much cheaper!
http://www.chicagohalfmarathon.com/

#Iamgoingtorun26.2milesat613pacebecausethatiswhatIamgoingtodo

All the best,
CB

Because that is what I am going to do...

The past few weeks have found me digging in to heavy levels of training again and slowly re-entering some more quality work (400's, mile repeats, tempos).  As I get deeper into training and out of building my base, the reality of an encroaching timeline and my dream are starting to meet head on. It's a little different this time though, in all honesty I feel like most of the pressure is "off" - and after working so hard after the injury to just get back, there is this just insane sense of happiness running through me :)

Insane happiness even after 12 miles of hell in 118 degree heat :)

As I get my legs back under me, seeing the physical progress has helped give me a confidence boost; but also really knocked home the realization of my biggest struggle - the mental piece.  I think I tend, and always have given off an aura of "I got it - under control" - but to be honest as the saying goes, lots of times I fake it until I make it :)-  But the truth is just that like 95% of population I have the same insecurities and swirl as everyone else, and unfortunately it is strongest with the thing I love the most.  I think perhaps that's because dreams are fueled by the heart and the mind gets jealous when the heart gets to run the show.

Anyways I decided  - like anything else in life I have ever struggled with - to do everything I possibly can to address it.  So I decided who better to talk to then my very own teammates who have been highly successful.  And while on a run with one teammate, she basically told me you have the physical talent, it's your head.  You have to tell yourself what you are going to do, and then go do it.

And that is what I have been thinking about non stop for a few weeks.   Grinding comes "easy" for me - I burned the candle at both ends in High school and college (like so many do), I've worked the 80 hour weeks, I've finished races while literally seeing stars :)-, I've started races at WAY too fast a pace and hung on.  I have grinded through injury, through tough times in life, through transition - -  I know how to do that.  But Grinding is very different from saying "....because that is what I am going to do".  For example last weekend Justin and I had the honor to be the the Godparents of Baby Evelyn at her baptism (total sidebar....pictures below!!!) and that morning I had 16 with 4 X 1 repeats in it - well with the baptism at 9am, that called for a rather early wakeup call.  Dragging myself out of bed, getting ready to run, and getting out the door, and getting the 16 miles in  - was grinding. It is not a a skill, some have more then others, but it's a mentality.  On the other hand before I took my first step I said - I am going to run these 16 miles, and then I am going to do 4 mile repeats at 6:30 pace.  And so I did.  That is believing.  Truly believing you got it.  Prior to that crucible moment, I would have thought of every reason why I should just run 16, and not worry about the repeats, why I couldn't, wouldn't, shouldn't do it.  Not any more.  Just getting through it isn't going to get me to the trials.  But believing in myself  to do what I need to do is.

Post Baptism with Mom and Connor!

The God parents with the real parents (See I wear non running clothes too :)-

 Now, I fundamentally believe there are times in life when you have to grind - you have to dig deep and as they say "when you are walking through hell, just keep walking!" - - could be injury, could be starting a new role/job, could be having little kids and craziness of life, could be cancer, could be any battle you face internally - - and you have to dig deep and get through that.  But...as one of my favorite yoga teachers always say - love your way through life, don't struggle your way through life.

One of my all time favs yoga teachers - learned so much from here in a year - such a gift....

Grinding is struggling.  Saying you are going to do something because that is what you are going to do is loving.   I just discovered that.  I love running, I love training, I love chasing this dream.  I can grind through the tough moments of early morning wake up calls, or certain workouts, but from here on out 90% of my training is going to be me doing something because that's what I set out to do .  Because eventually I am going to run 26.2 miles at 6:13 pace, because that is what I am going to do.

xoxoxo
CB

#WhereIrun

Love this month's blog topic - - sharing about my favorite places to run, and epic run, or something of the sort.  I thought it would be cool to play the 50 states game.  Either an epic run in that state, or epic running memory :)

CB Disclaimer***  This is NOT to brag about all the places I have run, I really have been nowhere extremely swanky or important, just been lucky to travel for running or work so hopped quite a few of the beautiful 50!  My hope is that you might be traveling to these same spots and decide to try one? (or avoid)!

Here we go!  In alphabetical order of course, how else would a highly Type A, anal runner do it?

• Alabama:  Never been, hmmm, not a good way to start, perhaps Alphabetical was not the right way to start!
• Alaska:  Crap, never been, ha this is turning out to be quite the blog post.
• American Samoa:  Wha?!  Never heard of this - this is a state?
• Arizona:  Ok, I live here, phew, I got this!  I would have to say the canal - hands down.  You can either take it into old Scottsdale and see lots of people, restaurants, etc.  Or go the other way (my favorite, which we rarely do) go into the farmlands.  Where you are literally by your self for MILES and MILES.  It is soft dirt that silently crushes under your feet and blazing sun that relentlessly shines down on you.  It's so quiet, so peaceful, it's almost heaven-like, or at least what I hope heaven is like.  Many a runs there where I have sorted through life's seemingly unsolvable problems.  
• Arkansas:  Work trip, ran around the University Campus, and into the little downtown, I remember thinking about the University of Arkansas runners, as they have an esteemed program and thinking about Deena Kastor who ran there.  And then I remember finishing and saying, I am ready to go home :)
• California:  I hope my most epic run is yet to come in CA :) But for now has to be Google;s campus, they have trails through there that are soft and just amazing to run on, got in a good 7 miler through the entire campus over hills, through the cafe area, by the outdoor pools, sand volley ball, place was amazing to see.
• Colorado:  Magnolia Road with Adam.  It was a huge bucket list item, and the run was just magical for me.  If you go to Boulder, you HAVE To run this.  It's 15 miles in altitude, slightly uphill - all soft surface.  Great mix of sun and shade.  It's a perfect run.
• Connecticut:  never been, not on bucket list :)
• Delaware:  Ran here before a funeral  - in the dead of winter  - so not really good memories.
• District of Columbia:  Cherry Blossom 10 Mile US Championship.  Amazingly beautiful run and weekend.  If you are a runner, this race is a MUST for your bucket list.  It's kind of the lottery as to whether the trees are in bloom or not, but either way a historic amazing course.  Also, day before I ran through Georgetown, amazing trails by the river.  Reco staying there and biking everywhere you need to be!

• Florida:  Love, love Love the Tampa Clearwater Beach Area.  Favorite run would be staying in Clearwater, running over the bridge that takes you to the beach (so beautiful) then running on the beach and back - I think net is was 8 miles, and just perfect mix of soft, hard, sand, and back!
• Georgia:  Was on a project for work that took me here every week for 5 months.  Never forget the first morning, I knew EXACTLY where I wanted to run - Centennial Park of course!  And as my work buddy told me - Atlanta is where I learned to "sprint". :)  Never run ALONE in Centennial park at 6am - - not nice.
• Guam:  Never been, not really on bucket list either :)
• Hawaii:  Bucket list!!
• Idaho:  Go here for work quite a bit, starting at the Hampton Inn right downtown, run literally across the street on to their river path and takes you right to Boise State   - and you run right by the infamous "Blue" football field!
• Illinois:  You would think I would say Chicago, or my hometown STC, but instead going with an epic run!  A recent epic run.  Went to Galena, Il for a wedding and had 13 miles, Justin and I figured out and back - can't do much harm right?  Hilliest HELL run I have ever done in my life.  Relentless hills.  Swear to you Illinois has hills.  I rarely get sore and it took me 1.5 weeks to recover from that massacre.
• Indiana:  Oh this is one where I hope, pray in fact my mom isn't reading.  Driving home from Cincinnati one time, decided to take a break, park at a national forest and run a few miles.  And those who know me well know what happens next?!  Yep.  Lost. Epically Bad.  Ended up on some road had to get a ride back to the parking lot to my car.  Think I aged 10 years that day.  I would tell you about the park if it was worth telling you about....but just trust me, nothing on 65 is worth stopping for.
• Iowa:  University of Iowa campus to visit old boyfriend at the time.  We broke up a few weeks later so must not have been that epic :)-
• Kansas:  Work trip to Wichita - where no joke they have a Dorthy statue at the airport saying there is no place like home - - there is though :)  Remember lots of dust, fields, and running past an Amish restaurant that said they had the best hot buns in the world (I have a weird memory I know) 
• Kentucky:  Believe it or not having lived close to here I only ran there once -  Anthem 5k Classic - had a great race - won some good stuff - so good memories.  It was around the Louisville Slugger Museum I remember that - and also thinking this is a nice area :)
• Louisiana:  never been, not on bucket list :)
• Maine:  Easiest of the 50 - If you have one thing on your bucket list - make it be Beach to Beacon 10k.  WOW!   This is Joan Benoit's race and it starts in Cape Elizabeth, Maine, all the elites come out for it, and it is be far the prettiest race you will ever run.

• Maryland:  Ran in Baltimore for work on boardwalk - - I thought it was great but lot's of people say Baltimore is nasty?  Maybe I ran in the nice part?
• Massachusetts:  Charles River Loop, love the soft gravel paths and just hundreds of people out and about, Boston is truly a running mecca.
• Michigan:  Dad used to work in Grand Rapids, and remember going up there once to see him for something and running a few miles near a golf course, really really pretty up there - VERY GREEN!
• Minnesota:  Where I really started to run!  I lived in Minneapolis on a soft trail, and this is where it all really began, I had been running a tad after college but the competitive scene here is what really sparked my curiosity.  Epic run would be The Boston Scientific 10K, not sure if still called that - but a great 10K around the lakes in August.  Lots of elites, well organized, fast course.
• Mississippi: never been, not on bucket list :)
• Missouri:  Not a huge fan of this state because the Cardinals are there (gross), but did run by the arch and stadium, just remember it being like 150% humidity  - but pretty downtown!
• Montana: never been, not on bucket list :)
• Nebraska: never been, not on bucket list :)
• Nevada:  Las Vegas for work - yuck - dirty, people hooting and hollering at me, not a great experience.
• New Hampshire: Loon Mountain Trail Run, day trip from Providence, RI....in the Fall, beautiful Foliage!
• New Jersey:  never been, not on bucket list :)
• New Mexico:  Bucket list for sure!  Want to go to the Hot Air Balloon Festival and run the trails around there and I think there is a 10K that weekend too that is pretty famous.
• New York:  Easy.  Central Park, where I almost blasted Justin for taking forever to tie his shoe, when actually he was on one knee :)  Never forget that engagement run, ever.  Always a special place in my heart.

• North Carolina:  Recruiting trip at Duke, ran through campus during Fall, and actually into Cameron Stadium, because the door was open!  Got the chills standing in there.  Very old and smelly.
• North Dakota:  never been, not on bucket list :)
• Northern Marianas Islands:  Wha?!   I need to go back to school, not sure what this is either.
• Ohio: Cincinnati - - if you visit here try to time it with one of these great great races:  Hyde Park Blast (June), Ladies Distance Classic (August), or Mini Heart Marathon (March)    You would never think  Cincinnati for running, but they have a great race calendar for all seasons
• Oklahoma:  Actually want to run here, just never been.
• Oregon:  Pre's run for sure.  So 2 things if you go.  1)  Do Pre's Trail - this soft woodchip lined trail that takes you right by the football stadium, pretty cool.  2)  Run by Pre's rock, hill is a BOOGER, but another run that will give you the chills when you see where he was hit.

• Pennsylvania:  Three Rivers Trail  -  takes you right downtown, in the Fall it's awesome, trees, bridges, water - good stuff.  
• Puerto Rico:  Never been, but would for sure be up for it!
• Rhode Island:  Having lived here for almost 2 years this was a tough call! I had a lot of great runs, but I think my most memorable was one morning when I got the call at 5am that my grandpa had passed away.  I couldn't go back to sleep so I put my shoes on and ran down Blackstone Blvd which is an all gravel path in Providence that the elites who train there (Molly Huddle, Kim Smith) cruise on.  It's the perfect length (5K) for some speed work.  Anyways I remember getting out there and mind you no one gets up really early b/c it's not 110 at 6 am :)  And literally just hearing my breath and my thoughts and tears just streaming down my face as I ran.  Not usually an emotional person, not sure why I was crying actually, I just felt like the older you get the more and more good byes you have to say, the more you have to let go to what was your life, and move on.
• South Carolina:  Hilton Head - running vacation to get some training in a few years back,  ran on the beach which is a 'harder beach' so good for running.  Quiet, beautiful, definitely would go back there. Don't need a car, you can bike everywhere.
• South Dakota:  Never been there, not on bucket list.
• Tennessee:  Nashville for work -   Hit their bike path and then through downtown, very beautiful.  Another CB moment, left my keys under the wheel in a park parking lot - obviously the skate boarders saw me do it and moved them to another wheel.  Provided for a panic attack, but eventually found them, and heard them laughing :(
• Texas:  Okay, hopefully no one from work is reading this b/c they will really think I am weird. I had a double the day I was in Tyler Tx for work so I ran in the AM, but then after my meeting I got dropped at the Tyler Airport (size of my kitchen) and asked "WELCOME TO TYLER" desk man to hold my luggage while I ran.  I ran 4 miles around the airport in 100 heat, and then went right on the plane.  I knew if I didn't get it in then, I wouldn't in 115 at home that night.  But it was one of those moments where I realized I have this sick drive, this sick heart that I know, I know will get me to my dream.
• Utah:  Salt Lake City recently with teammate Natalie - been to SLC many times, but this was an epic run just for the peacefulness of the morning and the conversation - SugarLoaf park was the name if you are looking for a good spot!
• Vermont:  Hiked - never ran, and if you are a runner you are anal and know that doesn't count
• Virginia:  Never been
• Virgin Islands:  Sign me Up!
• Washington:  Seattle - remember it was raining and thinking wow how perfect.  Ran downtown, and remember it being rather hilly too?
• West Virginia:  All I remember is running by the running store and the tshirts in the window said "West Virginia is for Lovers" with a picture of runners on it.  ?  
• Wisconsin:  Work trip by Great Wold Lodge HQ (dont ask, it's what happens when you sell diapers :) - - Wisconsin is beautiful, very similar (I think) to Illinois - lots of trees, rolling hills type stuff.
• Wyoming: never been, not on bucket list :)

Triple T: Team Camp, Travel, and Training

That's the perfectionist in me - of course I cannot just write an update, I have to have a creative title :)
Team Camp
The Sonoran Distance ladies headed up North to Flagg for camp last week.  And it was nothing short of amazing.  And even I am saying that despite conditions being a little 'rough' for me!  I think everyone gave me crap all week, but I am not the greatest "camper" - - and when a spider (no joke) crawled across my face at 2am on the last night, that was game over for the live off the land experience!  Seriously no electricity, no phone service, no wifi, nothing - and for someone who for work is constantly buzzing and beeping that in itself was a huge culture shock.  Looking back at it though, I kind of liked it - - maybe no one really needs me that bad :)
I could wrote a whole post on the experience in itself, but CB style I am boiling it down to Top 3:
3.  (Least favorite) Running up to 10,200 ft  always sounds better the night before.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHh veyyyyyyyyy.  We did this 7 mile hill race as a team that literally is just a vertical climb to the top.  BRUTAL.  I mean at mile 2 I was swearing at myself saying why, why, why do I always say yes to stupid things like this?  Especially things that require a 4 am wake up call.  lol.  The highlight had to be at mile 6, teammates Ariana and Priscilla ate a burger for the MAMA BURGER challenge - GROSS.  I did manage 6th, and we all placed top 10 - HELL YEA!  SDP representing!

This was minutes before the start when we realized what the hell we just signed up for - 7 miles, 2200 elevation gain (already at 7700 ft at the start)

2.  Feeling at "home".
I feel like I am coming out of my shell now  - but always feel like a complete weirdo as every trip I have all my 'accouterments" -  foam roller, rubber bands, R8 roller, yoga toes, 3 different pairs of running shoes, compression stuff, the list goes on.  I have had people recognize me from the airport saying  - "Hey  I think I saw you doing like some leg swings at the airport" - yep that was me :)  But in Flagg, it was like being with 11 other aliens!  Everyone had their weird stuff and routines - - except....it' wasn't weird?  I fit in!
1.  Stronger Together
It truly is our rally cry  that originally we got from and to support our amazing sponsor, Pantene, but it really does embody our team.  We are a strong group of women who support each other, not ripping each other down  - and this weekend I think a lot of us got closer, worked out any differences we did have, and kind of became determined on a mission to empower other women to do the same so we can all rise :)  LOVE IT.
0.  Archery
I am adding this in because seriously when I retire from running this is my sport.  Autumn taught me how to shoot the thing - and then I hit 3 in a row (after initially pointing it the wrong way) - wicked fun!  This could be way too political of a statement, but I think we should have bow and arrows instead of guns, I mean at least you would have to really want to hit your target because it takes like 5 minutes to get it ready :) And I am not sure, but I don't think you can die from arrows?  But you sure as heck would be on your butt.

My archery coach (and amazing runner too) to the right is Autumn

seriously, I think I look like a natural? No?

Travel
This past week I had an awesome opportunity to travel to SLC for work and got to run with teammate Natalie Como - -we had 8 miles (also a 4 am wake up call that sounded great the night before) - that went by so fast.  Catching up was a fantastic way to start the day, and sometimes in those quiet miles of the morning the conversations you have are so real, so important :)  After I left Natalie, I went to Corner Bakery and ate the entire menu.  The man came over with everything and asked me what the person joining me would like to drink.  I smiled, and said there was no one, and he  -verbatim  - "Damn girl, that is awesome".  Ha.  Lately, I have been starving non stop.
After a work meeting that went spectacular - the kind that gets you on a total high, just like running, I headed to Cincinnati.  It was a quick in and out, but in a span of less then 48 hours, I got in:

•  tough as hell track workout on my old stomping grounds
•  6 meetings
•  Justin time 
•  dinner + 2 runs + Graeters +  SDP/Pantene meeting with John and Ariana   

It was good to be back in Cincy and see someone you know literally on every corner - and it was even better playing tour guide to SDP :)

Breakfast with the Pantene team!  (We agreed beforehand to behave while ordering and not completely scare them -even though we literally just had ripped off the miles :)

Training
The training update this week is about transition.  I am moving from "running" to being a "runner" which has different demands of your body.  And I feel it.  We have put together 5 solid weeks of 55-60 miles, and 2 weeks of track work (12 X 400, and 7 X 800).  Sleep, nutrition, hydration all change, and I am just working my way through that now.  I also have transition with work that I need to manage through, scope of role changed significantly, and right now it is very overwhelming :(  But like with all things - give me 3 months and I will figure it all out.  I have gotten lots of messages about race plans, game plan,etc.  That too is under construction :)  As soon as it is all ironed out I promise to share!  As for now, I wake up everyday, truly happy, truly smiling, and more focused then ever for 2:43!

ahhhhhhhhh, nothing makes me happier, back to the track!

Arizona!

I can't believe it but it has already been a year since I moved here!  One of the most unique things about this blog is that I am blessed to have friends/family all over the great states reading it - so I thought I would do this one on top 10 things about running/training/living in AZ....with a little fun special sauce at the end for everyone living elsewhere :)

1.  Cotton Mouth

Yes, this is just what it sounds like.  So when I first moved here and would go running I could not make it a mile without literally feeling like there was a full out wad of cotton in my mouth.

no caption needed - that is how I Felt!

Everyone told me that it would go away and it did - I just have to be vigilant about my hydration.  I drink 130 oz of water a day, 2 Nuun tablets, and this does not include any fruit or water I use for food.  Before I run I literally force myself to drink 12 oz of water.  If I do this everyday - I pretty much never have issues with the heat.  (see # 7)

2.  The Morning

I have always been a bit of a morning gal, especially when I was a work a holic - but when I moved to the East Coast I started to value sleep more, and since it was SO cold in the winter I often would run at like 9/10am on the weekends.  Now, I am ready for dinner at 10 am on Sunday :)  Running at 3:45/4/430/5 is very common here, you have to be done by 8 latest.  Especially if you are doing any sort of effort (tempo, pick-ups, strides, track work. etc).  And now that I am an old fart it literally takes me 45 minutes to get out the door because I have to go to the bathroom, drink water, go to the bathroom, do my ankle exercises. go to the bathroom,  hip exercises, foam roll, and go to the bathroom one more time just in case :)  And then Monday - Friday before I leave I check email to start the clean up of any disasters that have occurred overnight.  Retail world is full of overnight chaos :)  As a result, I am in bed by 9....#hugenerd.  While I am still fighting this a bit, and love my sleep, I will say there is something so beautiful about the quiet and sereneness of the morning.  In fact, teammates are often so tired we don't talk much either, but all you hear is the breath on the crushed sand as the sun welcomes the day.  I have seen more beautiful sunrises here to fill my heart for years to come.

3.  The People

LOVE THEM.  By far the best part.  When I moved out East, I struggled for the first 2 months because I am more happy go lucky and no one smiled or talked to you - there were lots of fingers flying while driving, and it just felt 'gruff".  When I said hi to the front desk guy at my apartment he looked at me like I had a disease.  I quickly learned NOT to take it personal ~ it's just the East Coast Vibe, and I learned to love it - it's funny actually.  In fact, one of my teammates is from NYC and once (ok, now I feel like I am doing this one time at bandcamp....) during mile repeats there was a group setting up some sort of charity thing on the track and as we whizzed by she said if they don't move that #^%$%  I am going to go "New York" on them.  That was the end of the mile repeat.  Laughing and running is not my strong suit :)  Anyways back to the people - they are so friendly.  I literally met my best buddy. Lauren,  here in a yoga class, she saw me and said "you're new aren't you?" and that was that.  Now we talk/text everyday.  She has been my rock to lean on as I learned AZ.  And of course my teammates - all like sisters - love them to death.  And then just all the other pockets of people - Yoga teachers, pilates teachers/peeps, church friends, neighbors, haircut lady, my PT, etc just all amazing.  I have never been in a place with so many people who are self-less and loving.  It's awesome.  The ironic part is not too many people are TRUE Arizonians, most are transplants.  Not sure, if that has anything to do with it - like a melting pot?  Having said that  - the people are my favorite part in EVERY city I have lived in, looking back at the friends I have made in every city just speaks to the point, there are 50 different states, but one thing is the same - the people are amazing.  While Providence (East) was perhaps the gruffest - I met some of my closest friends there - it's just their "cover" :):)

4.  Food

Super Healthy, which I love.  There are lots of great restaurants that focus on fresh, farm to table, organic, non GMO, etc.  You absolutely can eat out healthy.  Also the Whole Foods/Sprouts type stores are abundant and in general people just tend to eat healthier.  It might be because it is so hot you do not want to eat big heavy meals?  Or also because the 'athlete' community here is so strong and obviously nutrition is about 80+% of the game.  Either way I love it.  A few of my favs are True Food, Flower Child, Fresh Box, Phil's Grill, Morning Squeeze, and Luci's Healthy Marketplace.  If you every visit me you can be sure we will make a stop at one of these! My treat ;)

5.  Grocery Stores

This one might be because it is what I do - but I find it fascinating the number of grocery stores out here.  Well, really on the west Coast in general.  It is SO different then the Midwest/East Coast.  Out East, I had Stop n Shop - which if there was a bed bug registry for grocery stores I am pretty sure it would be on it.  On the other hand here,  I  have 12 options of legit grocery stores (Fry's (equivalent to Kroger), Safeway, Albertson's, Winco, Smart & Final, Basha's, Haggen's, Whole Foods, Sprouts, Target w/Grocery, Trader Joe's, and AJ's Fine Foods.  I prefer the Fry's by me, it's beautiful and produce section rocks - but I also get my fish and a few things Fry's doesn't have at Sprouts.

6.  Traffic/Driving

I think the drivers here and the traffic is not bad at all.  People complain  - like everywhere  - but it's all about perspective. I was used to gridlock on 88 in Chicago, or the East Coast where everything is SO tight, or 71 on Cincy.  At least it always moves!  And I feel like there is less crazy zigging and zagging out of lanes like you see everywhere else.  The HOV lane system here is pretty good, and I cannot say I feel like traffic is a drag.  The use of the horn is definitely a cultural thing - In Cincy I don't think people know it comes with the car, in Chicago it;s used just as much as the brake pedal, and out East I'll just say the horn is an extension of the mojo we mentioned above!  Here there is horn usage but I am pretty certain that is your Chicago influence!  It's not common, and usually more taps then hold downs.  A huge difference :)

7.  The Weather

So, Arizona has these storms called "Haboobs" - yea for real.  The first time I saw one I thought I was in the Wizard of Oz.  It's like a tornado, dust storm, terrible thunderstorm, all rolled into one.  They happen during Monsoon season - July/August.  These are the toughest 2 months because not only is it very warm, 110+, but there is humidity too - so a double whammy.  As for the heat - honestly, it doesn't really bother me, but I am weird, and someone who is ALWAYS cold.  (Quick Frame of reference - I just got back from Chicago where it was 75/80 and I was wearing a sweatshirt...Justin always brings extra stuff for me even though I say I will be fine, and never fails I always end up putting it on).  As long as you are hydrated I think it's very bearable, and feels REALLY good at night.  I love being warm :) I do drink an extreme amount of water so whatever I do  'do' outside I am sweating profusely, pretty much non stop, but that's pretty much the only downside I can see :)

8.  The Critters

Not going to say anything about this because I am superstitious.  Enough said.

9.  The Discussions

This one could obviously be controversial, and I am not trying to be - at all - just an observation I have had.  Folks on the East Coast are very in tune with current affairs - and I felt if you ran into someone you knew at Whole Foods, the gym, or anywhere you would start talking about GMOs, Gay Rights, Politics, etc.  It was very liberal, and very educated.  Very different from Chicago, MSP,  or Cincy - where you run into someone and you start talking about your/their life - what have you been up to, what's new, etc?    Arizona on the other hand, you run into someone, and it's about what you are up to "athletic" wise :)  what race are you training for, what do you recommend to recover faster, what do you eat before workouts, how do you do strengthen this, etc? There is just a VERY strong athletic/fit culture here - it's a lifestyle.  I cannot say one is better then the other, they all help us relate to each other and deepen relationships in a different way :)

10.  The Running!

I saved the best for last!  Running here is by far the best I have been in - you can train year round (unless you trip on a rock and it sidelines you for 4 months), there are hardcore trails, soft canal long run trails, roads galore great for running, no potholes, altitude an hour away, good spots for hills, lots of flat - - really a running heaven for me :)

One of my favorite routes....rocks so big your worries seem tiny

And I thought this would be fun, a little chart ranking the cities I have lived :)  This is N=1, so just my ridiculous POV, but thought it would be fun!
The point is, and I did not plan this - but isn't it amazing we live in one country, yet there is so much different culture, quirks?  We truly live in the best place in the world :)  Happy 4th of July!

Happy Trails,
CB

Updates!

No more debbie downer posts (I do feel bad for Debbie, she gets a bad rap for no apparent reason)...not that everything is perfect, but there is too much good to be happy about and dwelling on the bad is pointless. In fact I have learned in the past 4 months to take these challenges as opportunities to trust.   As my sister and now maid of honor :)  always says... "Life is beautiful, and life is messy all at the same time".

So good or bad you can count on me to write and not "hide" --  that leads us to 2 updates for you.

First, the most frequent question I get besides "how is running"...is "how is wedding planning going!!!!???? "
Now, for some reason I seem to have quite a few doubters on my wedding planning skills - like I am not domestic or something? :) But I will have you know we have a date, venue, wedding party, readers, church, priest, and theme!~  Boo yea!
The wedding party was very important to Justin and I, the day is about celebrating with a group of amazing people who helped us get to where we are.  So we put a lot of thought into it.  There are four people who have had a profound impact on my life- perhaps not during all of it, but during key stages/milestones.  So I sent each one a bracelet with the gift (which was one word) they have given me.  And then on the inside it said, "Will you meet me in Chicago on June 24th 2016?"  After some small mail issues (seriously any business acts like the post office and they would be bankrupt) - everyone received theirs and said YES! :)  Yea!

These are the 4 bracelets with the 'gift' on the outside and the date question on the inside!

Second, training update.  We are still not perfect but the goal is by July 1st to be 100%. The past 2 weeks we have made a lot of progress  - and with each day I grow stronger and more optimistic.  The key really was finding a PT who looked at the total body and selflessly has worked with me to rebuild the chain.  She has been my angel for sure, and I only hope to pay it forward to someone some day, some how.  We have been doing a lot of stretching (which seems odd for the ankle, but it works, because if your hips are tight it cascades down), laser therapy (I call this the magic wand), PT exercises, manual therapy, and wearing Yoga Toes (to straighten out my toes!).  All of it has led to close to pain free training!
Meanwhile I am building quite the base - which I probably never have really done well - but I have had 4 solid weeks in the 40's and now two weeks of quality 50 mile weeks.  My body feels better then it ever has, and the ankle is just so so close!  The heat is starting to crank, so we are up to run REALLY early, which means I have become the ultimate nerd and usually am OUT by 9 - COLD.

Monday= cross training day - Went to PT before my move (more on that in another post!) and did 45 minutes on this thing called "Jacob's Ladder" - BRUTAL.  But it helped build the strength of my feet.
Tuesday= 8 miles with some short strides to test it a bit, felt pretty good - tweaked ankle a tad on the curb (seriously I know) but actually I think that pushed everything back into place or something, as felt fine later?
Wednesday= 7 miles, ankle felt good
Thursday=10 miles, HILLY, tough route - great run, felt very strong - solid pace

Got to rejoin the team again too!

Friday=7 miles, felt pretty beat up, went hard on it yesterday - and realizing as mileage climbs, I feel more tired, probably need to add another hour of sleep in
Saturday=8 miles, feeling really good, barely felt ankle AT ALL - good clip on pace, and HR stayed very low
Sunday=Team Long Run at canal - 12 miles - longest in 4 months - just happy to be back, who care it was blazing hot :)-

Total for week: 53 - - feeling on track to start training again July 1 - just plain happy to be back with team too!

I wont do this every week for fear of extreme boredom on your part, but once in awhile for the running geeks out there :)

Until next time,
happy trails,
CB

Roller Coaster Ride?

I know it has been awhile.  I am not going to lie, when I started this blog and titled it  "the ups and downs of chasing a dream" I guess I was expecting more "ups" then "downs". One thing I have learned is that you cannot really separate your "life" from your ultimate dream/goal -because that "life stuff" really effects what you are chasing.  The past 3 months have been nothing but a whole lot of messy - in every way - the ankle obviously, dog adoption gone wrong, crazy work travel, hospital visits, life decisions, and I think all of those have effected healing.   It's been more difficult for me because it was a freak accident - and unfortunately this is a key year. It's hard to let go and not force what you want, but 3 months has certainly taught me to just let go. I truly am at a point now where I KNOW I will achieve my dream, just possibly not on the timing I wanted. And I am at peace with that.  I have to be :)

Last night, I was on my way to the mailbox in my own world ....when all of a sudden my neighbor called out "Hey CB how are you!?"  To which I replied - "Awesome!  How are you?"   He responded..."Not very good".  

And then I knew this was not going to be your standard 2 minute 30 second mail box trip.  So I walked over to him and he sat down on the curb.  Now mind you this guy is about 3.5x my body weight and could bench press me with his thumb.  He is a former ASU football player and in incredible shape.  So I couldn't really look down at him, so I sat down on the curb next to him.  This sight probably was absolutely hilarious to the cars driving by because I am pretty sure I looked like a 4 year old girl next to him :)

CB:  "What's bugging you?"

Big Guy (we will call him BG to protect names of innocent):  "Do you ever just feel like everything is going down hill?  I mean I just am waiting for that one piece of momentum to swing things upward. Like you know... the JACKPOT!"

CB:  "Oh yea, absolutely - however you can't spend all your time waiting for that because IT WILL GO UP, but then you know you might come down again."  

BG:  "No, I don't think so, I was just talking to my uncle and he was saying once you hit the turning point,  it's all up man"

CB: "Hmmmm......well haven't you ever been "up" before?"

BG:  "No, not really."

CB: "Really?  Tell me about your football days..." (eyes light UP and he goes on for 5 minutes)

CB:  "Ok, I would say that was an up" :)

BG:  "Huh, yeh I guess.  So you're saying it's always up then down, up then down."

CB:  "Well kind of, ....like a roller coaster"

BG:  "I think that sucks. I like my uncle's theory better.  Because then when you are on the high's you gotta be worrying about when it crashes."

CB:  "Well yea dude but that's why you don't get too high with the hi's or too low with the lows." 

BG:  "So have you ever been at the bottom of the rollercoaster?"

CB:  "Ha, oh my yea,,,,I mean right now my cart is scraping the pavement."

BG:  "So you lied to me when you said you were "awesome"

CB:  (in my head - - oh dear...)- "Huh, yea I guess, I just didn't really think you cared."

BG:  (standing up) "I don't really....but it;s really cool that someone as happy go lucky as you always are has lows.  I feel better now.  Thanks later gator."

And there I am sitting on the curb wondering what just happened.  And then starting to rethink my famous roller coaster theory that I have used forever.  Maybe life is just an upward trajectory that you have to wait to hit it?  No, I like my theory better.

Anyways, the point of this running blog is to update you on my journey - not my neighborly sidewalk philosophical conversations; but I think it pretty much sums up where we are at right now.  Basically building our way back up - things have started to heal, in all aspects of life :) and I am just starting running again  - scrapping all races and plans at this point and working to be 100% healthy by July 1st.

The work ahead is daunting, but then again so is attaining most great things in life.

So as I sign off, I am not sure whether I believe in the roller coaster or Jackpot theory now?,... but either way - - I am heading upwards....and looking forward to the ride ahead. :) Thanks for sticking by me, you have no idea how much I need you.

Racing!

Ironically the topic I am supposed to blog on for our team's website is "racing".  Which is quite the funny because I am unfortunately nowhere near even thinking about racing as I am still on the DL from the sprained ankle.  BUT, in anticipation and hope for the days ahead I can offer a little something :)

Racing for me used to be my favorite thing in the world, being competitive there is no better outlet for that then race day.  However, in the past few years the mental side of running has really hit me; and taken a little bit of the fun out of running for me.  I don't think I realized the impact mental anxiety has on performance until Thanksgiving this year.  After months of training and a pretty decent racing season I took off a good 3 weeks - of NOTHING.  As part of my Thanksgiving tradition I ran a race on literally one week of training, and got 2nd - on 6:10 miles - that felt like I was walking.  Why?  How did that happen?  No expectations, no stress, nothing on the line.  Since that very moment I have really grown a lot and really started to put that into action - - January and February (2 PRs) were the first indications of this new approach working.  And then I tripped on a rock (but I digress).

But, honestly I don't feel that I am in any position to provide advice or guidance on the mental side of racing.  I am still learning myself. So what I thought I would do is share a race ritual that I do every single time I toe the line - no matter how big or small.

Every single race I dedicate to someone, and I write their name on my shoes.  At the toughest points of the race, at the moments when I don't think I can keep the pace, when I want to give up, I think of that person - what they have gone through, what they have done for me, what they mean to me - - and time and time again, I get through that rut, and get a second wind.

Running can be seen as such a selfish, individual sport - but that is so far from the truth.  Because it is just you against the miles the support and love you get from other people determine your success.  I remember running Chicago 2010 in the 100 degree heat for a huge hero of mine, breast cancer survivor and fighter, Mrs. Cyr.  As the thermometer climbed and people dropped like flies, I vividly remember speeding up thinking this was a joke compared to the fight she was having.  At the time it was a PR (3:03) in conditions that shut down the marathon early.  That wasn't me - that was her, I am pretty sure, pushing me.  

It's my absolute favorite part of this whole journey, and quite frankly I CANNOT wait to get another chance to sit down the night before a race and "do the shoes"!

I have been doing this for years so I literally have hundreds of shoes/examples, but here are a few  - you get the idea :)

Birthday HOPE

I am about to hit the rack on my birthday, which is weird because technically I do not think I was even born yet, it's 9 pm and I think I came late.  But I mean I barely make it up for New Years ... I need to keep my nerd status.  Anyways, another pointless digression...what I meant to say was before I go to bed, I thought I would do a quick update.

The past 2 weeks have not been any easier to be perfectly honest.  Moments of extreme hope, crashed by the reality of another lost week.  I learned though that in a lot of ways "hope" is what gets us through.  Every night I would go to bed, and think it feels good, I bet in the morning it will be 100%!  And then it wouldn't.  But then later in the day it would start to feel different, and I would tell myself this is it, its turning for the better!  And I have played this game for 1.5 months now :)  You could call it stupidity, or call it HOPE.  I prefer the later.

Hope ultimately is what keeps us going when we face adversity - - hope of healing, hope of resolution, hope of what the future holds, etc.  For an injury, every dr appt, every PT session, every ice bucket gives us something to look forward to and know that after that, it just might be healed. So I can't give up until after that _________(fill in the blank).

 There is clear difference though between "hope" and "the grass is always greener on the other side".  Hope is real.  It's a light that guides you when the chips are down.  It IS what makes you keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Whereas the "grass" theory is always thinking I can't wait until this role is over, this month ends, that person moves, this race is over, etc.  Wishing away the now, for what lies ahead is fraught for disaster.  You never appreciate the life you live now.  It's funny because sometimes I can see myself grow up; previously when faced with adversity I would do the "grass theory" - I can't wait for 2 months from now because I will be happier - things will just be better.  During this injury, it's been quite the opposite - fueled by hope each day - because I am happy NOW, and want to be right where I am at.  I want to work through the injury and become stronger, and learn from it, I want these days of this journey - because the journey truly is more important then the destination.  And I don't want to wish away any of it.  Sure I wish it didn't happen at all, but I am starting to see the lessons embedded in all that we face.  And wishing it all away defeats the purpose of the lesson you need to learn - thus you'll get it again :)

So the update, slowly but surely the ankle is getting a lot better.  I am running again, albeit slowly and conservatively as we build up.  I feel slow and out of shape. And humbled to be back at square one after months of hard work.    I had to withdraw from St. Louis and Eugene which was a rough day.  And I had to face the reality of the clock as well.

But, HOPE kept me going, we developed a new plan, a new timeline and that is my "light".  So I work to win each day for that plan, and cling to the hope it provides me.

Today was the ultimate ray of hope - I prayed for a birthday wish weeks ago that I would be able to run with the team as I saw the day landed on Sunday (Sunday long runs).  And I did - and it felt 97% painless.  It wasn't fast, it wasn't far, but it was.  And from here I can build.  It gives me hope about tomorrow, it gives me hope about the new plan, it gives me hope about clinging on to my dream.

Birthday Wish Run - no better present :)

Win the Day

This is the phrase I am using throughout this fun rehab.  Last week as I was going out the door to pool run, I NAILED my toe on my bookshelf (I know right? Kick a girl when she is down); and a book fell off the shelf, it was Drew Brees' "Coming Back Stronger".  I have it, never read it.  Figured maybe it was a sign, and started to read it.  Funny how things work, it's all about him coming back from injury.  It literally is the only thing getting me through this.  Any way - his phrase was don't worry about tomorrow (time ticking by, not going to be able to run Eugene:( and focus on doing what you need to do TODAY to get back - WIN THE DAY.
So everyday I am doing everything I can with diet, supplements, PT, conditioning to keep the level of fitness I was at and heal.

Quick Update on Training...

Miles for this week= 0

Monday:
AM: 5 am pool running for 1.5 hours (did 10 X 1:00, 10 X :30, 10 X :15) then did hip prehab routine...went into locker room and lady who laughs at everything was there; no matter what I say. Started to think maybe I actually am funny?  Then I said have a good day and she laughed hysterically.  Dang,  Ok I guess I'm really not, she just laughs at everything.  Back to reality.

PM:  Went to PT before work trip.  Started out swell.  Asked me to warm up on treadmill.  Old CB - would have been half way home thinking what a waste of time.  New CB - calmy..."Um, I am here because I cannot run, sorry :("

Tuesday:
AM:  Mile repeats on elliptical - massive sweat pool; someone at gym told me to buy "arnica" it heals sprains - I stop at CVS and buy 3 bottles.  It doesn't.

PM:  PT, swimming, strength, someone told me Vitamin D Helps everything heal, stopped at CVS bought a bottle, not working yet.

Wednesday:
AM:  Pool running, why isn't this an Olympic sport?

PM:  PT, mini breakdown, Pilates

Thursday:
AM;  Pool Running, great work call, team bet me 3% chance I could sell something in, sold it in, at least I got that going for me :) Sort of fills the competitive void.

PM:  PT, mini breakdown, swimming

Friday:
AM;  tried treadmill, epic fail, flew home next to drunk woman who had 2 bud lights at 7:45 am, massage on ankle/foot

PM:  PT, heard a "pop" thought that was good sign, super positive, tomorrow will be the day!

Saturday:  Not the day! Tried to run, breakdown...drove to pool, 2 hours pool running, hard, as I was pissed.  Yoga.  Someone told me to try KT tape, lets you run on Sprained ankles, stopped at CVS to buy a package.  At this point thinking I should buy stock in CVS.

At this point just trying to stay positive, and know that there is a reason.  There is a plan, I just need to accept it and keep working hard.    I am working hard, not sure I am accepting it yet - why is that SO hard for me?

ANYWAYSSSSSSSSSSSS.......Now on to more positive things!

1st, thank god for friends.  This is an ENTIRE jar of homemade almond butter - - my favorite food used to be peanut butter, this has now been replaced.  MASSIVE cheer up for me, good friends are priceless.

2nd, when I do start to run again, I will look darn cute! Got 2 new packages from Skechers!

3rd, enough about me!  How about a gift for YOU.  I think you have heard me harp about Nuun a lot, and how it saved my running when I was dealing with serious dehydration/fatigue - which basically we all are.  60% of EVERYTHING you drink should include electrolytes - - it's amazing how much better I feel after I replace those suckers.  Anyway, now through March 26th, you can use this code and get 20% off!!   LuckyNuunFriends

Acceptance

Acceptance:   a person's assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it, protest.

I learned a hard lesson these past 3 weeks.  I am not good at "accepting" the cards life deals me, masked through my terrible impatience, it truly is my inability to "accept".
It's hard to come to this reality as it is this exact unwillingness to accept that is the backbone of my inherent  drive that makes me known for being wicked competitive, never giving an inch, performing better then my ability would suggest, and getting things done FAST in a company known as the Titanic.

On the one hand my inability to "accept" has helped me. Top of mind examples...
1)  Physics Class Junior Year, I literally would NOT accept a "D" from Mr. Tilley.  Sure that is what all my test scores earned but hell over high water was I bringing that home and becoming ineligible for basketball.  I remember literally BEGGING him for 3 hours for extra credit to get a "C".  It worked.  Perhaps the greatest sell job of my career.  No hurt to others, and quite frankly Physics is pointless then and now - - knowing when a ball drops compared to when you threw it, is plain ridic.  So here - - my not taking NO for an answer saved me - and possibly my life given I am pretty sure my mom would have thrown me out the window.

2)  Sports/Running/Life in general:  I cannot think of a race, of a team, of a game, of an illness where I gave up.  I REFUSE to accept not being at the top.  Refuse.  And I will not let illness, injury win, in my mind that is unacceptable.  I will not give in to weakness of the body.

On the other hand, this same inability to "accept" has set me back.  Top of mind examples...
1) Finance 301 in College:  I REFUSED to accept buying a financial calculator because I was too cheap.  That was ridiculous to spend money on for something I was going to use in one class.  I could do it in my head.  Until it was the week of finals and I had an F.  I had to ace the exam to pass.   I borrowed one from someone reading this :)  insisting it would work.  I gave in, got an A on the exam, passed.  I would have saved countless hours of FREAKING OUT had I just accepted it's what is needed, it was normal.  It's life. It was $70 CB, $70 frikkin dollars.

2)  Tennis:  This is the only sport I cannot beat Justin in,  I think it is the only time we had a meaningful fight.  I refused to lose.  To the point where I finally won after I made Justin play literally for hours in 100+ degree temps until I won.  And to do so he gave me 1 alley, then 2 alleys, then unlimited faults, then he always had the side with the sun.  But I won.  Looking back, what did I gain from that?  Nothing.  Not a thing.  But probably drove him nuts and ruined his day. Let's just gloss over the fact too  that this was when we just STARTED dating...my god if I was him, I would have run for the fences.

The truth is sometimes I think we spend too much time in life fighting what "is":  whether it be relationships with family, role at work, life situation, or like for me, this time, injury.

I think ultimately that;s what tears are right? Not accepting.  Seems like when you let those suckers out, you move on.  But I selfishly struggle when to accept and when to fight.  On the one hand I will not accept illness, failures, obstacles, but on the other hand I mettle too much in the plans that are meant to be.  And I exhaust myself and others by doing it.

I lived this AGAIN this week.  Past 3 weeks since that stupid rock tripped me (see previous post), I could NOT accept it.  If I had, I would be running right now.  Here is my update on training  this past week.  0

Impressed?

I had worked too hard to stay healthy, I was not going to let some stupid rock sideline me, all that fitness, hell no.  I was racing on the 28th, whatever it took.  So I punished myself with endless rehab, massage, and pool work to get back.  I barely did.  And I raced.  And I bombed.  My ankle had no business racing.  To really compete the body has to be in near perfect condition.  Racing 13 miles on a Grade 2 sprained ankle really was stupid.  Understatement.  But I could not accept ANYTHING less.  So now I get to accept not being able to run at all.  I get to accept this as my track.

To make it worse, this week I still could not accept it.  And so every morning I would wake up and "try" - and then do the walk of shame home,  EVERY SINGLE DAY.  I've done the MRIs, the PT, the rehab.  The truth is...it just needs time and I need to accept that.  I am tired of playing "fix it", and ready to play "accept it".

It's not an easy lesson to swallow, especially as the clock is ticking this year :( But there is a plan, and I am going to accept it, and do whatever it takes within "not mettling" reason to get back.

And for the rest of this year my word in all aspects of my  life is going to be "ACCEPT"....let life live itself and don't mettle with it.

I'll be writing more this week, the pool is actually quite humorous with a whole new cast of characters...the old ladies doing water fitness, the teenage lifeguard drama, and the marine who is an IronMan and tells me everyday I'll be running again in no time :)

Until then, I will be accepting it :)