Sunday, August 6, 2017

Heroes

Heroes.  We all have them. Even though I feel like these days it's hard to have them, especially because they seem to ultimately disappoint us.  I don't think heroes have necessarily changed, but instead perhaps social media has allowed us to follow their every move ....and well we're human.  We make mistakes.  Even so, there ARE those heroes that no matter what, withstand the test of time, they are just perfect, no matter if there are eyes on them....or not.
Heroes.  For me, I have different ones in different aspects of my life.  Without even knowing it, they have a profound impact on who I am, and how I go about doing it.  I have written about a lot of them throughout this blog; personally:  Dr. Z, Dr. Maynard, and my mom...professionally: Jodi Allen, and in running Kara & Adam Goucher.   But sometimes there is just one person that transcends everything, and is just plain a HERO in all aspects of life, for me that is Jane Cyr.
Heroine.  Mrs. Cyr is everything you stereo-typically would say a hero would be....smart, tough, kind, genuine, achieved, a fighter....and a survivor. I have known her since I was very very little, she was our neighbor, my mom's close friend, and when I was little, as the youngest among everyone, I felt "my buddy".  As I have grown up, I have gotten to know her beyond the lady who "liked me more then everyone else😜 (which I know is not true, but she always made me feel like I was the most important person). I came to see how accomplished she is with work and raising 3 brilliant children, how tough she is dealing with lots of hard knocks and never whining, how kind she is - absolute salt of the Earth.  She's a tiny lady, but looks are deceiving!  She.is.tough.  And strong, and humble, and so beautifully kind.
Here she is!  If you looked up "hero" in the dictionary, you might find this picture💚
I have a "thing" against cancer.  It sucks.  It's personal.  It's not fair.  It picks on the wrong people in my humble opinion.  You might recall in 2016 I ran the Chicago Marathon with her on my mind, and on my singlet.  And with every "pain cave" moment, I can honestly say I said to myself - this is nothing compared to her fight, so suck it up buttercup😳
Why cancer is picking on her, I don't quite understand.  So I am doing something, which is the only thing I know how to do...I am running...for her...because I CAN.  This is a tiny thing in the big picture, but it's what I can, and know how to do.  I am going through some healing too, which she has helped me with, so I guess in a way it's our comeback..together.  I believe in positive mental energy.  I know what it's like to fight, to grind, to hang on.  And so I want to channel every footstep to her.  I run faster then my ability would indicate - and so that extra grind and power that most runners don't have that over the course of 5 months will maybe, just maybe contribute to her fight.

Adam & I made our race schedule, it's 3 races leading up to a Marathon, all channeling a ball of healing energy to Jane Cyr.  And god willing - we both are at the line in December -  (mom owning the logistics!)

I'll be wearing this on my wrist not just on race day, but every day - - a constant reminder of her strength , power, and grit.
I know it's a huge picture, but I am in serious need of glasses, and I could barely see it!

July 30th:  5K back at Home (IL)
September 10th:  Santa Monica Classic (CA)**
October 15th:  Denver RNR 1/2 Marathon (CO)
December 3rd:  CIM (CA)
**marketing disclaimer, all races subject to tweaking😜

I am excited and grateful to say that "stop one" on the journey started out strong!  This past weekend I ran the 5K based purely on base mileage and some strength work I have been doing, and felt really good.  Even splits were the goal, and just to have FUN.  And I did both:  I came close 6:09, 6:13, 6:04.  And it felt GREAT.  And a side benefit, it was good for 1st in my hometown, which was kind of fun❤️
Hey! That's me!?  😆 Mom sent me this from the local paper the day after...Justin's 1st comment, "You and the damn watch!"  
From here we've got 5 weeks until "stop two";  and will begin to work the turnover a bit more, and hit some workouts.  As long as I continue to feel good, which I am, I feel my strength coming back by the day...and no hiccups...perhaps I can really let a little anger and inspiration out for Mrs. Cyr and me in Santa Monica😈

Heroes.Always.Win.  It's a rule.  Good guys always come out on top.  I believe in you Mrs. Cyr.  I believe in your healing.  And I believe you will come out on top.  Every single step to CIM is for you...and my hope is somehow, someway that channels healing energy to you.



Friday, June 23, 2017

Roles, Rules, Rituals, and Ridiculousness





I cannot believe a year has passed already, it seems mind boggling that at this time a year ago we were getting married - time flies.  Even though this is a running blog; it's often the "support team" around us that makes it happen, so I thought I would change things up a bit and do a fun:  "the first 365 days takeaways" 😂

Roles
We never sat down and said let's split who does what, but it actually just naturally happened that we play to our strengths and preferences.  I am the cleaner.  A) I love to clean B) I am very anal about it.  I still don't understand how Justin thinks the bed is made with all the creases and wrinkles in the bed spread --- you have to smooth it out and the pillows need to be in a certain order 😏
On the other hand the thought of "shopping" makes me nauseous.  I think it is because I spend all week in stores for work.  So Justin owns the Costco trip, and bug critter/control.  The later is truly a gift, because on the occasion that there is one roaming and he is not home I have to revert to getting a broom, putting my hand over my eyes, and plugging my ears (I swear I can hear the crunch #yuck). Anyways it's nice to have the split and not have to do it all on your own.

Rules
Some said, some understood😊  Justin is not allowed to eat anywhere but the kitchen, I call him "pigpen"  - that guy on Charlie Brown that has all the ^&*&*( flying above his head.  I swear, 1/2 the food never goes in his mouth, it's all over the floor and formerly the couch).  So we made the hard fast rule - no eating anywhere but the kitchen.  I do realize that when I travel this rule is broken because when I return the crumbs are dancing all over the couch because Mr. Davis has gone wild.  I also have a hard fast rule - no electronics in the bedroom, the dings and the beeps and the bright lights drive me crazy.  However, I have yet to be successful with the phone, I know that sucker still sits on his pillow, and like clockwork at 4 am all those East coasters start going crazy.  As for his rules, I have a "slight" addiction to Windex, and I am not allowed to use the kitchen towels to Windex because the chemicals will get on our food.  #fair   And then unsaid, but understood, he tends to get very grumpy when I work on the weekends, I can tell, so I try to do that when he is at tennis or on the Costco run😉

Rituals
This one is probably my favorite, it's the little things you do that become your "things".  And before long you start to look forward to them every week💗  One of our favorite "things" is our Saturday Morning Starbucks/Nektar run.   Saturday is my shorter of the weekend runs so he is water boy and then we both come back and bike for coffee/acai bowls.  And.we.just.sit.there.  Even a year ago, me sitting still for 5 minutes, much less 2-3 hours would pretty much be a 7th world wonder.  But, one of the great things about Justin, is he has probably taken my Type "A" from off the charts to just top of the charts - - and I LOVE JUST SITTING THERE.  It's my total decompression time from training, from work, from life.  It's great. Why didn't I discover that earlier?  Our other one is Saturday night we go to church and somewhere different for dinner every week (well we try, I mean we have our favorites that always seem to win over!)  But again, it's just us time, nothing "fawncy" but it's the little things, the everyday things that I love about marriage most.

Ridiculousness
Ah yes, the shenanigans.   We spend many many moments laughing together.  There was the time I came home and the neighbor kids were picking up these leaf/cactus things in our yard, and when I asked them what they were doing they told me , "Mr. Davis gave us candy to pick them all up"....oh...really?  Great, so then I had to tell Mr. Davis that you can't do that or child services will be knocking on our door.  Oh Vey.  Or maybe the time when I woke up to the sound of a beebe gun, I literally flew down the stairs to find Justin attacking his friend the woodpecker whom he has had a  year long battle with.  We had a huge fight a few weeks later when his beebe gun somehow disappeared.  #ihavenoidea  Which, per usual, ended in laughter.  But, seriously you cannot do that in a neighborhood.  Oh Vey #2.  And me?  I behave all the time😉 That's the beauty of this blog, I write it, and control the content!  But somehow, I know him so well, if he had the opportunity I might know exactly what he would say❤

I wish I could find the right words to describe how much this guy has done for me this past year, but maybe I am searching for the wrong words, maybe I just learned the definition of love :)

xoxox,
CB

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Oh vey....



99.9% of me does not want to write this.  1% of me knows I need to because of the amount of messages I have gotten, and the rather long absence I have had from, well everything.  And part of committing to a blog, to this journey, was to be real.  Life ain't all unicorns and fairies and certainly since November it has not been.

So where to start, or even do I?  I don't think anyone needs more baggage, more problems to read about, and quite frankly I feel guilty throwing up all over you with my drama....so instead I will keep it simple. Here is what I will say, I would not wish the last 6 months on anyone, ever ☹️  It's been crappy, it's been horrible.  It's definitely been the most trying 6 months of my life.

This is the point, right where you write something to the extent of "oh but I learned so much from all of this....I am stronger now...everything happens for a reason."  Yea, no.  In fact I am still not sure, what I think. But for what it's worth,  this is where I netted out.

1.  Someone or something does not give you struggles or strife to make you stronger, to teach you lessons, or because "you can handle it".  I don't believe God is up there saying, oh, she/he is tough, they can handle some serious shit, I'll give this to them.  No.  Life just happens.  Now having said that, do you grow from it.  Yes.  Does that make it easier?  No. Some days it's just about one foot in front of the other.  And that is okay.  Forward is where it is at. I am reading Ronda Roussey's book (I know an odd choice for me, but I absolutely love autobiographies because I love to see what makes people at the top of their field "tick"); anyways I am going to summarize this a bit so don't quote me, but she talks about not really believing the "everything happens for a reason" philosophy, BUT instead in believing in HOPE, that all the struggles, all the frustrations, all the strife - - in the end, WILL BE WORTH IT.  I think that is where I am too, otherwise what's the point.  And the "hope", that is what keeps you hanging on, even if by a thread.

2.  You never know what people are going through, be gentle and kind.  If there is one thing that I think I have developed over the last 6 months it is a keen awareness of other people.  Not that its my job or yours to provide psychological support to everyone you run in to; not only a) do I not want to do this, b) 99% of people would say get away and c) the outcome would be very bad 😜  But, I do think we can quietly just be aware of our effect on others.  I think I have always been pretty in tune with reading others, but more with those I am close too.  Now more then ever I feel like its just as important to be gentle and kind to the person next to you in line at the grocery store as anyone else.  You could be the straw that breaks the camel's back, OR the ray of light they needed at that very moment that gets them through the day.    Some people have an ability to grind through pain (physical, mental,or emotional) without missing a beat.  They can work, train, coach, parent, etc. without anyone knowing - - but the pain they have, the battle they are facing HURTS.  They would never tell you, they would never reach out ....but they could use you, even if just your smile that says, "hey I know you have crap going on, stay strong".

3.  Never.Ever.Give.Up.  Honestly, I don't think I buy the whole "it's part of the journey" thing anymore.  I mean if that was true I feel like I have been on an expedition up Mt. Everest.  But I do know what I want.  And I do know why I want it.  So I will keep chasing it.  The day I question what I am doing, why I am doing it, then I'll hang it up.  Until then I run.  Never stop chasing something you can't go a day without thinking about.

From here it's baby steps, I hate to say this is a waste of a year, hopefully I am gaining something from this year, even if just more mental strength.  I kind of want to put the rest of this year in my coach's hands and just focus on keeping the big picture in mind, and letting him own the stair steps there.  I can climb with the best of them, but sometimes I get lost knowing where to climb.  The good news is, we are now climbing versus getting pummeled by snow at the bottom of the mountain👍

I hope to write sooner, with good news, positive progress, and more defined goals/plans.  But for now I am in that lost in limbo phase still figuring it out 😎  And I am okay with that (for a little bit)!

Happy. Trails,
CB

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Not out of Breath Yet...

I should be packing for my trip to LA right now.        I am not.

I should be talking with Adam planning out last minute race strategy.      I am not.

I should be visualizing the expo, the start, the miles, the pace, the finish of LA.    I am not.

I should be feeling like crap now (because I am tapering).   I am (but not from tapering).

Instead "life" happened, and LA is just not in the cards.  LA was supposed to be #myperfect........but there's "not perfect" and there's stupid.  Running LA at this point falls in the "stupid" category.  Can I have a mulligan on the last 3 months? 😓

And so I just roll with the punches.    I recently asked myself if the setbacks "suck"  so much because I can't run or because I feel like they make my dream seem so far away.  It's the later  - I really do want it.  It really is what I fall asleep thinking about and rising early to chase.  The journey might be the most important part, and I get that, but it is the end destination that makes me feel alive.  The path there is making me who I am, connecting me through the dots of life,  and a hell of a ride......but there probably are a lot easier "dreams" to chase with the same effect.  But this is my dream.  I chose it. I want it.  I still believe in it.




should be packing for my trip to LA right now.  When I pack for my next race, I will be grateful.

should be talking with Adam planning out last minute race strategy.      When we talk the next race strategy I will be stronger, it will be a better one anyway.

should be visualizing the day before, the start line, the miles, the finish of LA.    I am visualizing the OT's instead; heck that's the bigger fish to fry anyway.

should be feeling like crap right now (because I am tapering).     I am feeling super grateful for all the people in my life who have, are, or will support me as I chase my dream.  I am one lucky duck 😉

Sunday, January 22, 2017

#myperfect

Well, that was fun.  😢  The great thing about bone injuries, is that as long as you behave-  there is a clear timetable.  6-8 weeks.  It doesn't make those weeks anymore pleasant; but you can grind through it because you know there is a finish line.

Here's a quick snapshot of the 8 weeks; I am posting this for all the folks out there who google "4th metatarsal fracture" seeking, hoping, someone says - - it heals in a week!  So for all those people who got here via google - know this, it doesn't heal in a week, but YOU GOT THIS.  

Week one:  Standard denial, "I think I just sprained my bone on the rock, can't be a break", got xray, got boot, reality sunk in, followed by depression.  Hit the pool.

Week two:  Out of the boot because it was messing with my hips too much; told to wear stability shoe.  Started pool running and swimming, and basically hating life.  Started PT.  Tried Alter G - OUCH!  Not sure how Danthan Ritz ran the same day he had a fracture on that sucker, I felt it, and it was not good.

Week Three:  Hard core PT - - lots of stim, ice, and this thing called BFR (Blood flow release) to keep muscles strong.  Dr. Maynard doing everything he can to keep hips even.  No pain anymore.  Got up to 2 miles in the pool (at one time).   Hating Life even more if that is possible.

Week Four:  Did Alter G at 20% BW- NO PAIN!  Sweet, mood improving, just being able to run helps.  1/2 way through.  Did two really killer pool workouts.  Here is one in case you need a good one!
10 minute warm-up then 6 sets of 1:00/:30, :45/:15, :30/:30) then 5 minute tempo, then 6 sets of :90 snowballs, each :30 faster, 1:00 rest in between, then just tempo until 70 minutes

Week  Five:  17.5 miles on the Alter G - end of week at 75% BW!  

Week Six:  54 miles, 8 on LAND!  Mental mind games, will I ever run without obsessing over this?

Week Seven:  66 miles, 39 on LAND!!!  Worst part is the mental part; but just happy to be working my way back.

Week Eight:  68 miles, 51 on LAND!!  I think I beat the mental piece, I barely think about my foot anymore.  Graduated from PT too.  I actually might miss that place.  It's funny how when you go to a place so much you start to get to know all the people  - a new cast of characters  - - communities are so interesting to me.  They get you through life.

Things that worked (well at least I think they did):
1)  Took extra calcium supplement, ate broccoli almost every day, and contrary to what most think I actually ate more calories then less - I personally believe your body is working overtime to heal whatever you messed up🙈 This is not the time to scrimp.
2)  Having the Alter G - I think bone stimulation actually helps the bone grow faster  - plus I think you avoid a lot of the come back aches and pains by staying in running motion, heck I was able to run still!
3)  Dr. Maynard/Becky - or a really good chiropracter - keeping your hips even is CRITICAL.  Everything heals faster.
4)  Breakdowns, at  least once a week 😭
5)  Read books about overcoming adversity - sepcifically the book GRIT - helped me realize why I never, ever give up. It's in my DNA.
6)  Not pushing everyone OUT of your life.  I stayed on social media, volunteered at stuff, and thank God for YOGA and PILATES 😉.  Speaking of hot yoga,  I think that really helped get blood flow in my foot - which is a hard spot to get new blood circulating.
7)  Coach - Adam seems to be more in the details and more tuned in when things are NOT going well, versus when they are.  Having him really in the zone throughout this whole process helped me a lot mentally and emotionally.  He stayed positive throughout.

In fact, it was his positivity that helped me get to #myperfect 😊  I posted this link on instagram and the amount of texts and emails I got afterward confirmed I should DO this.  


I am a little weary of sharing this, but this blog is about brutal honesty so I figured it is only fair.  I tend to have some perfectionist tendencies.  If it is not exactly how it should be, I don't. 

  • Every race needs to have the perfect training cycle, if I am not at my standards for performance, I back out.  I can't just run it.
  • Every workout I have to nail or exceed the prescribed splits, or the rest of the day I beat myself up over it.
  • Every presentation, project, or meeting at work has to be perfect or the swirl in my head explodes.
  • The bed spread has to have no wrinkles in it every morning or I re-do it; Justin will never understand this.
Is this a fault?  Maybe. I probably previously would have said yes; but now I think it's partially how I have gotten to where I am.  Tell me no, I'll show you yes.  Tell me to do XX, and I'll do XX or more.  And if I don't I will stay until I do.  I am driven to sick levels.  BUT, I think there are times where this same strength holds me back from learning, from experiencing, from living.

So I am going to go through with our initial plan to run the LA Marathon on 3/19.  I realize and understand goals and expectations need to be modified.  I respect that I am not going to have the perfect training cycle in regards to time or workouts.  I accept the risk of going out there, and making a fool out of myself.  AND. I. AM.STILL.DOING.IT.  The LA Marathon is going to be #myperfect.  It is going to be the best I can do with what I have.  And it's going to be fun as hell.  I am not worrying about what everyone else's workouts, splits, training is/are - - I am focusing on the 10 week cycle I have, the amazing, now healthy body I have, and the journey that I am in.
It's, well, #myperfect.  So here we go....

I will not DNS LA....I made a commitment last year I wouldn't let it happen, so it won't✌



Saturday, December 31, 2016

2016 in the books, speaking of books, and the path ahead!

Well that happened fast, 2016 already in the books.  It seems like everything I read is talking about how excited everyone is for the year to be over and how much they cannot wait for 2017.  2016 was actually very good to me (minus the last month #yuck) and I will forever have some GREAT memories!  In a year of Instagram for me, here are a few of my favorites....
This Spring coaching these girls was one of the highlights of my life for sure :)  I still think about them everyday.

In May I ran my first real race back - at Bolder Boulder - it was a pretty much perfect weekend.
My sister, and my 3 nieces/nephews came - and my coach :)
I have to include this one, because this sign is now framed in one of our rooms!
I married my  best friend, and this truly was "thee best day of my life"
My girls at rehearsal dinner... Missing is my sister (probably chasing one of her amazing kids around)  - but these girls are so special, absolutely salt of the earth.

The Chicago Training Cycle with W, one I will never ever forget, we literally ran stride for stride all summer long - at 4 in the morning, in ridiculous heat, through the ups, downs, through it all.

And CHICAGO!  No words can capture how hard I worked to get back here.  It was a very special day.  And hopefully a harbinger of what's to come.

And Yes folks - the CUBS WON THE WORLD SERIES.  NO. FURTHER.COMMENT.
Unfortunately, the honeymoon foot incident put a bit of a damper on the end of the year, and most of my vacation time has been consumed with PT and rehab; but it doesn't seem like work to me because it's my dream, it's my passion, it's my breath.  New Years' Day marks 5 weeks, and I am getting very close to being able to hit the roads again; I can taste it.   Injury for an athlete can almost take your voice away; so I have been reading a lot.  Here is "CB's Book Review" - if you are interested ;)

From Left to right:
1)  Dandelions Growing Wild:  This is a running read - BUT I think anyone would love it.  Talk about overcoming adversity - dang.   To me it seems that some people get A LOT to overcome, and knock them down one by one, and some just get small little pebbles.  Either way it doesn't matter, what you get is YOUR journey and you walk it as only you WOULD and you COULD.

2)  GRIT:  Awesome read about what drives some people to no end, why some people are so GRITTY, why they are GRITTY, and what GRIT means.   Now first a disclaimer, I don't necessarily think GRIT is 100% a good thing.  I think GRIT can be overwhelming and all consuming.  But I do think it is important to understand if you have it, so you can understand why you are* (as insane as you are).    It was funny as I read this I related to every single story - never the smartest or fastest, but always the grittiest.  I think it helped me actually in the last few weeks understand why I do what I do - why I am so driven, so focused, so disciplined - to a fault at times.  There is a quote in the book that just totally resonated with me:
"It sometimes feels like we have nothing left to give, and yet, in those dark and desperate moments, we find that if we just keep putting one foot in front of the other, there is a way to accomplish what all reason seems to argue against."

3)  How Bad Do You Want It?  This is a strict sports Psychology book, that I wouldn't recommend unless you are competing in something.  It might be boring otherwise.  My favorite nugget from this one is EXPECTIONS are everything - if you expect and embrace the "pain cave" to come; you almost get a thrill from it.  Never get too cocky or too complacent - assume its coming, embrace it, and take it head on.  Makes me ready to take on my next race :)-

4)  You are a Bad Ass  Oh man, no matter what, read this!  I loved this book, totally a kick in the pants - and gets you riled up to create YOUR life.  We often are a results of our past experience and upbringing - which can be a great thing - but you also have to set your own mental paths for what you can and cannot do.  I have been told NO a lot, and believed it.  I think physically I can qualify for the O trials - it's been the mental piece that has stopped me in my tracks.  This put a few new tools in my toolbox to tackle that!

5)  When Breath Becomes Air:      Absolutely oustanding book about a Dr. whose goal is to integrate the patient's feelings and emotions (basically bedside manner) with the science.  My opinion only**  But there are very few doctors who have both, if you find one, you are blessed.  Ironically, during the course of the journey he himself is diagnosed with cancer - and everything he has spent his whole life working towards; now he never gets to use.  As he dies rather swiftly after diagnosis.  A book about not waiting until the perfect moment to do something - because you might not get tomorrow, a book about legacy, and the impact, the purpose, the meaning of YOUR life, a book about life - and the purpose of living.  A deep one, but a GREAT one.

6)   Man's Search for Meaning:    So this was REALLY deep, recommended to me from a list of books you must read.  It was intersting for sure.  The author was actually a prisoner in the Holocaust and he survives (obviously :) - - Essentially the whole book is that you can survive ANYTHING if you have a greater purpose - if you feel you are alive to do something, to achieve something, to be there for someone.  It can be your meaning in life is to be a phenomenal parent, leader, business owner, or it could be to qualify for O Trials, or a cancer saving doctor - it doesn't matter - what matters is that DRIVES you day in and day out to be the best you can be; and sometimes that means just surviving.  Deep - but good.


So, 2017 - the path ahead!  I am more focused and determined then ever to continue chasing my dream.  I feel like every year I gain more GRIT, more experience, more miles in the bank that will pay off.  In the short term, first things first is to get healthy and back to the roads; which is very close.  I have been running on the Alter G - and close to my full body weight.   Past that, my goal is still to run on 3/19 - - but I need to learn to be okay with not having a perfect training cycle; as obviously I am already behind.  I am going to take it one day at a time; and do whatever it takes to get to the line.   Then spend the Spring and Summer getting faster; focusing on a Fall 1/2 marathon PR - - all leading to my goal race in January 18.  
I also am excited to announce I will be coaching again this Spring! As for work - continuing  to be the best leader I can be - building our regional team to be as strong as possible.  And in every thing I do, my goal is to get out of my head - - focus on me, and what I am doing in the very moment; not worrying about everyone else, the next task,  the next day, but be present, be happy, be alive TODAY...because that is the only thing for certain.

All the best  - here's to an amazing 2017 for all!
xoxox
CB

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Sigh......................GULP.

Yea.  Lately those are about the only two verbal reactions I can muster.  :(    My next post was supposed to be a super happy one, a random update on training, a 1/2 marathon race recap, and perhaps plans for the Spring...and an exciting Honeymoon adventure story.  But then, well life happened.  As usual, what I planned never came to fruition.  And you think I would be used to it by now, but for some reason - it never gets easier, just more routine. I know exactly how to dig myself out, how to grind, how to get back.  But unfortunately, for the dream I am chasing you don't get points for comebacks, only consistency, progress, and victories.



After Chicago, I bounced right back into training and the consistency and all my prehab/strength work was finally paying off - I felt AMAZING.  Off to Kauai and then when I came back, I was really excited to do some serious damage in a 1/2 marathon.  Life was GRAND.

Kaui was definitely not your typical lay on the beach vacation - it was an amazing adventure!

the only sunny day we had we made the most of (trust me, no sun, CB does NOT do water, I am always cold) This was an awesome snorkeling adventure!

The runs were absolutely epic here, you would be running in a sunny sauna, then pouring rain, then a rain forest, then a desert, it was like 10 different ecosystems in one run.  Crazy.

We hiked the "Sleeping Giant" in pouring rain, but it was still amazing!

This was the Waimea Canyon Hike, we took the  unbeaten path and found this gem!

Just chilling on a rock at the edge of a cliff.
And then the next day I was a moron, it was pouring rain, and after probably pushing myself too hard at a morning track session in ridiculous rain/wind we went hiking - - and I stepped down, way down, on a rock in  the water and I knew immediately.  Of course, I ignored it, I didn't want Justin to know, but I knew.  I broke something.  24 hours later I really knew.

What I will not do is be fake with you.  I do not think anyone reads blogs to read a bunch of fluff.  This is real - or I would not do it.  Having said that, this entry is more for me then updating friends and family :(  It is so much easier for me to write my way through life then actually say it.  I'm absolutely, positively, 100% devastated.  I spent my entire 2015 fighting, fighting, fighting to come back.  2016 was amazing, and then one very, silly step at the end now zeroes out all the work, all the progress, I had made.    And at the same time.  I know:  that.is.life.  
The good news is setbacks like this sometimes make you step back and look at things - and the MRI and blood tests show my bones are strong as hell, everything is in the right thresholds, and it was just a freak accident.  And so you motor on.  I know how to do this, I know how to keep my fitness in the pool, I have an amazing doctor in Dr. Maynard who is my lifeline  throughout this, I know how to rehab, and God knows why but I have a coach who still believes in me, even when right now when I am struggling with believing in myself.    I'll be back. Because it is in the journey  that dreams are made.  And man, will I have one hell of a journey to look back on.  When I went through the ankle injury in 2015 I had 4 phrases I said every single day that drove me to keep fighting, to not give up.  I never stopped saying them actually, but now I cling to them more then ever.
#closerthanIthink
#plantednotburied
#seasonofincreases
#thebestisyettocome

I know it's nuts, I know I am nuts.  I should hang it up, it's not happening.  But I can't, I won't, I want it too bad.  Maybe more now then ever before if that is even possible.

xoxo
CB