This past week at strength I was doing side lunges, and in my head I was thinking, man this is pointless, I don't move sideways, I move forward. So...I asked. What is this working? (*my passive aggressive way of saying, why the hell am I doing this 👀) The answer was perfect. In so many ways. 'You need to work those side muscles to make the forward muscles go faster'.....
Hmmm....that got me thinking on the way home.
That's where we are right now. Sideways. And that's okay.
We're not humming along on forward moving progress. We have a few good days and then get a setback, bad news, or results. But, then we lick our wounds, and we trudge forward. And I notice it's in the sideways moments that we see our next spring forward. So, how is Justin? How are things? How are we? Sideways. 👍
As for me, I am much better! No tears left in the ducts to shed! I am grateful for the support I had. I called them my "core 5"...I rotated through them as to not burden any "one" too much. But, from the ICU to the aftermath they have been there every step of the way; my bridesmaid (Kerry), my first AZ friend and rock out here (Lauren), one of our groomsmen (Dan), a running buddy I have never even met in person(Briana), and my coach(Adam). Life is messy, ugly, frustrating, rewarding, hopeful, and beautiful all at the same time. And... I experienced all of that in the past 3 months. This random patch of 5 people being the beauty....they were my angels.
If I got a dollar for every time they told me how strong I am ...Justin and I would be billionaires on a beach. 🌴🌴 And I hated it...because I felt weak, tired, angry, clueless, and beat up. But it's only now that I see it, I am really frikkin strong. My life to date, every thing that I have fought through, set me up to be able to help Justin through this. I know setback, I know comebacks, I know how to fight. And so the beauty is my life so far, is my strength. And I get to flex it now.
Secondly, on the running front. I have not given up believe it or not. 🙂 Many times through the 5 years Adam has coached me I have thought why/how are we connected? But, as part of my "core 5", I know for certain now why. He was so much more than a coach to me through this. That's not his job, not his role...yet he played it. Our conversations now though, have morphed back to mileage, paces, shoes, and....plans. And.I.love.it. We've been conservative (well he has) in building back up and I have a decent base going, just no fitness. But, you need to kick off the rust at some point, and nothing lights me up more than racing. The Bloomsday 12k in Spokane, WA has been on my bucket list for awhile, and so I asked if I could run that May 5. After an unsuccessful sale, I asked for the 2nd opinion of my assistant coach, aka, Kara (Adam's wife)...and BOOM! she had my back. This tactic has a 50/50 success rate, lucky this time it worked 😉 So we agreed, as long as I have NO expectations I can race it. And so The Bloomsday 12K in Spokane on May 5 is our rally cry. I want Justin to go, and be mobile, like old times, and I need to get my rear in gear. It's a win/win, and something for US to look forward to. It's a month from today, and I CANNOT wait, it kicks of this season for me, it gives me and Justin a chance to be US again, and it's an iconic race I've always wanted to run! (*and to boot you wouldn't believe how all the stars have aligned on this one...we're not paying a dime for anything due to another Angel in my life).
So for now, sideways moving progress.
xoxo,
CB
