Saturday, May 23, 2015

Roller Coaster Ride?

I know it has been awhile.  I am not going to lie, when I started this blog and titled it  "the ups and downs of chasing a dream" I guess I was expecting more "ups" then "downs". One thing I have learned is that you cannot really separate your "life" from your ultimate dream/goal -because that "life stuff" really effects what you are chasing.  The past 3 months have been nothing but a whole lot of messy - in every way - the ankle obviously, dog adoption gone wrong, crazy work travel, hospital visits, life decisions, and I think all of those have effected healing.   It's been more difficult for me because it was a freak accident - and unfortunately this is a key year. It's hard to let go and not force what you want, but 3 months has certainly taught me to just let go. I truly am at a point now where I KNOW I will achieve my dream, just possibly not on the timing I wanted. And I am at peace with that.  I have to be :)

Last night, I was on my way to the mailbox in my own world ....when all of a sudden my neighbor called out "Hey CB how are you!?"  To which I replied - "Awesome!  How are you?"   He responded..."Not very good".  

And then I knew this was not going to be your standard 2 minute 30 second mail box trip.  So I walked over to him and he sat down on the curb.  Now mind you this guy is about 3.5x my body weight and could bench press me with his thumb.  He is a former ASU football player and in incredible shape.  So I couldn't really look down at him, so I sat down on the curb next to him.  This sight probably was absolutely hilarious to the cars driving by because I am pretty sure I looked like a 4 year old girl next to him :)

CB:  "What's bugging you?"

Big Guy (we will call him BG to protect names of innocent):  "Do you ever just feel like everything is going down hill?  I mean I just am waiting for that one piece of momentum to swing things upward. Like you know... the JACKPOT!"

CB:  "Oh yea, absolutely - however you can't spend all your time waiting for that because IT WILL GO UP, but then you know you might come down again."  

BG:  "No, I don't think so, I was just talking to my uncle and he was saying once you hit the turning point,  it's all up man"

CB: "Hmmmm......well haven't you ever been "up" before?"

BG:  "No, not really."

CB: "Really?  Tell me about your football days..." (eyes light UP and he goes on for 5 minutes)

CB:  "Ok, I would say that was an up" :)

BG:  "Huh, yeh I guess.  So you're saying it's always up then down, up then down."

CB:  "Well kind of, a roller coaster"

BG:  "I think that sucks. I like my uncle's theory better.  Because then when you are on the high's you gotta be worrying about when it crashes."

CB:  "Well yea dude but that's why you don't get too high with the hi's or too low with the lows." 

BG:  "So have you ever been at the bottom of the rollercoaster?"

CB:  "Ha, oh my yea,,,,I mean right now my cart is scraping the pavement."

BG:  "So you lied to me when you said you were "awesome"

CB:  (in my head - - oh dear...)- "Huh, yea I guess, I just didn't really think you cared."

BG:  (standing up) "I don't really....but it;s really cool that someone as happy go lucky as you always are has lows.  I feel better now.  Thanks later gator."

And there I am sitting on the curb wondering what just happened.  And then starting to rethink my famous roller coaster theory that I have used forever.  Maybe life is just an upward trajectory that you have to wait to hit it?  No, I like my theory better.

Anyways, the point of this running blog is to update you on my journey - not my neighborly sidewalk philosophical conversations; but I think it pretty much sums up where we are at right now.  Basically building our way back up - things have started to heal, in all aspects of life :) and I am just starting running again  - scrapping all races and plans at this point and working to be 100% healthy by July 1st.

The work ahead is daunting, but then again so is attaining most great things in life.

So as I sign off, I am not sure whether I believe in the roller coaster or Jackpot theory now?,... but either way - - I am heading upwards....and looking forward to the ride ahead. :) Thanks for sticking by me, you have no idea how much I need you.