Seeds

As life has resumed over the past few months, so has work travel, getting back to our circle of friends/family, and running into peeps.  The initial moment of connect comes with awkwardness, where it's written on their forehead wanting to ask about Justin, but not sure how to ask, not wanting to hurt me by asking?  Not wanting to be intrusive?  So there is this pause.   I usually step in and try to put them at ease, but it makes me think, when do we lose the 'just say it how it is' mentality?  Being around my sister's kids  - - they just say it😂....you eat a lot, you're not very good at xyz, I don't like this...but at some age we become aware and stage every question/thought; worrying what others will think, or not wanting to hurt them.   I use to think losing this 'say it as it is' mentality was a negative thing, but now I think it's the beauty of the human condition...wanting to protect others.

Telling it like it is...always 💗

Traveling has also made me realize people actually read this blog😲, or at least for Justin updates (the guy is so loved, it's incredible).  He is doing well, working his tail off, has appointments every day whether it be physical therapy, doctors, therapists, etc.  Full recovery?  I'd like to think so, I guess it depends on how you define that.  He's not signing up for Wimbledon anytime soon.  He lost his job, a lot of his hearing, and is still in a significant amount of pain (*mostly neck and back).  We're working through a lot of what was masked by all the drugs and inflammation and now rearing their ugly heads.  So time will tell.

Speaking of "working through" I started talking to a sports psychologist, which never in a million years did I think I would ever do.  Prior to all this, I wasn't an all star at "talking",   but when I really needed to, my go to was Justin.  After 4 months of 'managing' it on my own, I realized on a run one day when a buddy was asking about everything and I wasn't crying, but rather having trouble breathing, that I had issues😳. Enter Barb.  My coach has always been adamant that you cannot compartmentalize things, so I am not trying to do that, instead Barb has helped me get rid of stuff ($%*!?) stuck in there so I can think/perform better where I am at.  Had I known what a difference this makes I would have done it long ago.  Being honest with myself, I have invested a lot into chasing a dream, and I need to be able to get rid of one pain to feel the other (that pain... I love).  

I have kept work out of this blog because, well it's more about the journey behind my running dream.  But, I just got back from a very cool week at work that began at the Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs and ended at the Effie Awards in Florida.    What the hell is an "Effie" you ask 🤣?  It's a marketing award.   To simplify, I work for the company that makes Tide, Crest, Bounty, and Pampers...and my job is essentially to bring those brands to life in store.  Our team won an "Effie" for a Winter Olympics Campaign we worked on...you're still probably like...so?  It's a big deal if you're in marketing/advertising.  It's a thing.  Anyways, typical CB style last minute, I started thinking eh, should I go?  I'm tired of travel, middle of a 75 mile week, Justin can't go...I miss him...So I called my mom🙋  My sister and I have a running joke, if you DON'T want to do something➯ call mom.  She can pretty much validate any reason to not do things.  It's classic.  So I called, assuming she'd back me right up, and I would switch my flight.  Or not.  So there I was sitting at the dinner thinking I am so glad I am HERE...because this is not about me, this is about the team, and planting seeds.  And seeing them grow.  You plant a lot of seeds.  Some you just chuck out there and you don't really invest in, and they grow anyway, but honestly, they don't mean that much to you.  BUT,  some you plant, and YOU really invest in, and so when they grow, well that's what life is about. It means so much.  I planted a seed with Justin for 7 years as my best friend, honestly as a friend, because he meant so much to me.  Well that seed grew pretty well 💗  I planted a seed with this team, and invested over the top energy to build it, and that night I reflected on how big it grew. Being there for that was cool.  I planted a seed and have invested a good portion of my adult life against my coach/dream.  And I am still watering, weeding, and waiting on this one.  Which brings me to the running update portion.
Running has been way more than running this time around.  I can't even begin to explain that.  I've said this before, but running is kind of like a person.  And it's been my best friend through all this.  Anyways, I knocked off the cobwebs at Bloomsday on May 5.  Recall, this was with 'no expectations' per the boss' request 😉  Looking at the hills and the fact that I had mostly just done base mileage, I was just grateful to kick off the season...to be THERE.   But, of course in my head I had a baseline thinking of top 25 in a really competitive field would be cool, and 6:45's net with the hills, seemed right.  I netted out 4th, 6:24 pace.  It was just an hour where there were no other thoughts in my head.  When I turned the corner to the finish, I legit was bummed.  I didn't want it to end.  

So, a good start.  I think everybody who reads this knows I always run for someone on my shoes.  Jane Cyr has been my focus for the past few years.  She is my "J" up above, who I still think of a lot.  But this season is going to my 2 J's down here - Justin & Jodi.  Justin fighting his comeback, Jodi fighting cancer.  

Jodi & Justin shoes 💗💗

Since returning it's mostly been focused on getting strong at the mileage level I'm at, adding in a workout a week, and getting the pace of the long run dialed in.  Still doing strength 2x a week and PT 1-2x week.  Next up, is Grandma's Half Marathon in Minnesota on 6/22.  I ran that last year, and loved it, and i have very specific goals based on what I did last year that would probably bore you to death so I'll save you the words.

Ultimately, where is this going.  I planted a seed 6 years ago now.  I have watered it, seen it grow, seen it get stomped on, seen it rebuild.  And now I am sitting back a bit and letting life happen.  It doesn't mean you don't work....it means the soil is in place, it's deep enough.  So as long as I keep doing what I am doing...what happens to the seed, happens.  I hope, come this Fall, that I can have a moment like at dinner that night, and be proud.  But no matter what it will be with everything I have left, because this season is for Justin & Jodi. 💗💗

You always give it 100% the last 100 yds...this time it's 100% the whole season.