There is a place where the sidewalk ends.

Justin is almost a year out from the accident and physically he's doing...well amazing!   At least I think so.  He's still in a lot of pain, but to be expected when almost everything on you was broken, bruised, torn, or strained. We decided to see if he could run a 5K on Thanksgiving as a goal to work towards.  And I  "coached" him.  😉

Mostly, it was about time on feet, understanding what was truly pain and what he needed to work through.  But, for his last run I wanted to add a bit of a stim hit, as I figured adrenaline would push him to turn on another gear on race day and I wanted his body to feel that beforehand so it didn't freak out.  Nothing fancy, just a staple from my training - stride schemes - so 3 X (:15/:45 off, :30/:60 off, :45/:90 off).  On the last set with one left I could tell he was tired.  On the very last :45, he finished and put his hands on his knees. (which ironically, I kid you not was at the end of the sidewalk on that street)  I IMMEDIATELY went to oh no, what pain.. Is it your knee?  (which one?  both?), Your back?  Your ribs?  Your hamstring?  In order..."No", "No", "No". ...."My lungs".  I literally felt my heart smile inside.  We made eye contact and I said, "Isn't that the most beautiful pain ever?"  I gave him my bike to ride back, and I said I was going to stretch real quick and jog back.  I'm quite certain he didn't think anything of the whole moment (#dudes)...but after he left I sat on the curb and cried for a good 10 minutes.  I realized that for the 3 years that we have been married that a majority of it has been in uncontrollable pain.  Pain that hurts bad, and you have no control over it.  Just time heals it.  Uncontrollable pain can come from injuries, tragedies, or illness.  It's nothing you did wrong necessarily, but the pain wasn't your choice.  And the healing is not on your timetable.  It tests the strongest of souls.

Controllable Pain hurts so good.  From physical exertion, fighting for a cause that comes to fruition, life changes that you chose (job, kids, moves, etc), working through work drama, chasing a goal....it doesn't mean it's easy, but you chose to take that on and as you fight through it, the pain eventually will cease, come to fruition, settle.  I think that's why I love running so much.  There's nothing quite like choosing that pain voluntarily.  Nothing.  

Previously, I said I'd post once more after Houston, but that moment made me realize what happens at Houston doesn't really matter.  What mattered was getting to that moment where literally the sidewalk ended.  When I started this blog it was about the journey to my dream.  Eventually, Justin joined me on the sidewalk.  And by now, we had all sorts of plans of what we wanted to see, do, and be.  None of it has happened. 
But it truly was the path to that ending piece that mattered.  I got more from that sidewalk as it was laid out then the one I laid out. 
Running, chasing my dream, was a beautiful pain, and one I will take any day.  And be forever grateful for it.  I guess sometimes it takes the other pain, to recognize that.  So Houston, is just for me.  I just want to feel fulfilled.

So, I am wrapping this up here one last time!  After Houston things will be a bit of a blur so it's a good time to do it.   I am having surgery on a lymph node, not a big deal, just need to take care of it. Naturally, I didn't want to add that in here, but it will require a bit of down time from running and so easier to explain it here then just disappear🙈, the legal process for the accident begins (believe it or not, it hasn't started),  and...we're moving.  I was fortunate to receive an awesome opportunity with P&G that I cannot turn down.  I will miss Arizona so much, the people, the memories, and the beauty. 
  

Without being dramatic, I just want to say thank you to everyone who has been reading this, following along, and for all the comments/support.  I can't tell you how much a few words can change your perspective, your mood, your outlook.  I myself have started to keep that in mind as I read posts or blogs.  To just take a moment and give back to them.  It's the virtual way of human connection I guess.  

Anyways...It helped a lot.

So, I think we reached the end of this sidewalk...and we're ready to hop over to the next one and see where that takes us.

💗

CB

This is my favorite picture, and kind of perfect for this last post.  My plan "A" here was to take a picture of one of Arizona's quintessential sunsets.  Without me knowing it,  Justin took this picture behind me, of me taking it.  Turns out plan "B" was way better, and my favorite picture ever - not because I am in it, but because it was a gentle reminder to let life decide the plan, and me, I just need to live it.