Friday, June 23, 2017
I cannot believe a year has passed already, it seems mind boggling that at this time a year ago we were getting married - time flies. Even though this is a running blog; it's often the "support team" around us that makes it happen, so I thought I would change things up a bit and do a fun: "the first 365 days takeaways" 😂
We never sat down and said let's split who does what, but it actually just naturally happened that we play to our strengths and preferences. I am the cleaner. A) I love to clean B) I am very anal about it. I still don't understand how Justin thinks the bed is made with all the creases and wrinkles in the bed spread --- you have to smooth it out and the pillows need to be in a certain order 😏
On the other hand the thought of "shopping" makes me nauseous. I think it is because I spend all week in stores for work. So Justin owns the Costco trip, and bug critter/control. The later is truly a gift, because on the occasion that there is one roaming and he is not home I have to revert to getting a broom, putting my hand over my eyes, and plugging my ears (I swear I can hear the crunch #yuck). Anyways it's nice to have the split and not have to do it all on your own.
Some said, some understood😊 Justin is not allowed to eat anywhere but the kitchen, I call him "pigpen" - that guy on Charlie Brown that has all the ^&*&*( flying above his head. I swear, 1/2 the food never goes in his mouth, it's all over the floor and formerly the couch). So we made the hard fast rule - no eating anywhere but the kitchen. I do realize that when I travel this rule is broken because when I return the crumbs are dancing all over the couch because Mr. Davis has gone wild. I also have a hard fast rule - no electronics in the bedroom, the dings and the beeps and the bright lights drive me crazy. However, I have yet to be successful with the phone, I know that sucker still sits on his pillow, and like clockwork at 4 am all those East coasters start going crazy. As for his rules, I have a "slight" addiction to Windex, and I am not allowed to use the kitchen towels to Windex because the chemicals will get on our food. #fair And then unsaid, but understood, he tends to get very grumpy when I work on the weekends, I can tell, so I try to do that when he is at tennis or on the Costco run😉
This one is probably my favorite, it's the little things you do that become your "things". And before long you start to look forward to them every week💗 One of our favorite "things" is our Saturday Morning Starbucks/Nektar run. Saturday is my shorter of the weekend runs so he is water boy and then we both come back and bike for coffee/acai bowls. And.we.just.sit.there. Even a year ago, me sitting still for 5 minutes, much less 2-3 hours would pretty much be a 7th world wonder. But, one of the great things about Justin, is he has probably taken my Type "A" from off the charts to just top of the charts - - and I LOVE JUST SITTING THERE. It's my total decompression time from training, from work, from life. It's great. Why didn't I discover that earlier? Our other one is Saturday night we go to church and somewhere different for dinner every week (well we try, I mean we have our favorites that always seem to win over!) But again, it's just us time, nothing "fawncy" but it's the little things, the everyday things that I love about marriage most.
Ah yes, the shenanigans. We spend many many moments laughing together. There was the time I came home and the neighbor kids were picking up these leaf/cactus things in our yard, and when I asked them what they were doing they told me , "Mr. Davis gave us candy to pick them all up"....oh...really? Great, so then I had to tell Mr. Davis that you can't do that or child services will be knocking on our door. Oh Vey. Or maybe the time when I woke up to the sound of a beebe gun, I literally flew down the stairs to find Justin attacking his friend the woodpecker whom he has had a year long battle with. We had a huge fight a few weeks later when his beebe gun somehow disappeared. #ihavenoidea Which, per usual, ended in laughter. But, seriously you cannot do that in a neighborhood. Oh Vey #2. And me? I behave all the time😉 That's the beauty of this blog, I write it, and control the content! But somehow, I know him so well, if he had the opportunity I might know exactly what he would say❤
I wish I could find the right words to describe how much this guy has done for me this past year, but maybe I am searching for the wrong words, maybe I just learned the definition of love :)
Saturday, June 10, 2017
99.9% of me does not want to write this. 1% of me knows I need to because of the amount of messages I have gotten, and the rather long absence I have had from, well everything. And part of committing to a blog, to this journey, was to be real. Life ain't all unicorns and fairies and certainly since November it has not been.
So where to start, or even do I? I don't think anyone needs more baggage, more problems to read about, and quite frankly I feel guilty throwing up all over you with my drama....so instead I will keep it simple. Here is what I will say, I would not wish the last 6 months on anyone, ever ☹️ It's been crappy, it's been horrible. It's definitely been the most trying 6 months of my life.
This is the point, right where you write something to the extent of "oh but I learned so much from all of this....I am stronger now...everything happens for a reason." Yea, no. In fact I am still not sure, what I think. But for what it's worth, this is where I netted out.
1. Someone or something does not give you struggles or strife to make you stronger, to teach you lessons, or because "you can handle it". I don't believe God is up there saying, oh, she/he is tough, they can handle some serious shit, I'll give this to them. No. Life just happens. Now having said that, do you grow from it. Yes. Does that make it easier? No. Some days it's just about one foot in front of the other. And that is okay. Forward is where it is at. I am reading Ronda Roussey's book (I know an odd choice for me, but I absolutely love autobiographies because I love to see what makes people at the top of their field "tick"); anyways I am going to summarize this a bit so don't quote me, but she talks about not really believing the "everything happens for a reason" philosophy, BUT instead in believing in HOPE, that all the struggles, all the frustrations, all the strife - - in the end, WILL BE WORTH IT. I think that is where I am too, otherwise what's the point. And the "hope", that is what keeps you hanging on, even if by a thread.
2. You never know what people are going through, be gentle and kind. If there is one thing that I think I have developed over the last 6 months it is a keen awareness of other people. Not that its my job or yours to provide psychological support to everyone you run in to; not only a) do I not want to do this, b) 99% of people would say get away and c) the outcome would be very bad 😜 But, I do think we can quietly just be aware of our effect on others. I think I have always been pretty in tune with reading others, but more with those I am close too. Now more then ever I feel like its just as important to be gentle and kind to the person next to you in line at the grocery store as anyone else. You could be the straw that breaks the camel's back, OR the ray of light they needed at that very moment that gets them through the day. Some people have an ability to grind through pain (physical, mental,or emotional) without missing a beat. They can work, train, coach, parent, etc. without anyone knowing - - but the pain they have, the battle they are facing HURTS. They would never tell you, they would never reach out ....but they could use you, even if just your smile that says, "hey I know you have crap going on, stay strong".
3. Never.Ever.Give.Up. Honestly, I don't think I buy the whole "it's part of the journey" thing anymore. I mean if that was true I feel like I have been on an expedition up Mt. Everest. But I do know what I want. And I do know why I want it. So I will keep chasing it. The day I question what I am doing, why I am doing it, then I'll hang it up. Until then I run. Never stop chasing something you can't go a day without thinking about.
From here it's baby steps, I hate to say this is a waste of a year, hopefully I am gaining something from this year, even if just more mental strength. I kind of want to put the rest of this year in my coach's hands and just focus on keeping the big picture in mind, and letting him own the stair steps there. I can climb with the best of them, but sometimes I get lost knowing where to climb. The good news is, we are now climbing versus getting pummeled by snow at the bottom of the mountain👍
I hope to write sooner, with good news, positive progress, and more defined goals/plans. But for now I am in that lost in limbo phase still figuring it out 😎 And I am okay with that (for a little bit)!