BIG

As I travel back to AZ, I have a long flight to think about how I have been coming "home" now for 10 years since graduating college; the major holidays, beautiful weddings, sad funerals, and some mom surprises in there.  And in doing so, it never ceases to amaze me how "BIG" I feel.

Walking into my old room, I feel like the Jolly Green Giant - for real.  I mean how did I live in here for so many years my arms can basically touch the width of the room.  My feet dangle over the end of bed, and the bathroom my sister and I shared makes me claustrophobic!

As I plan my running routes, I guesstimate the park behind our house will be about a mile, then down the street we use to play "KHL" on *(Kids Hockey League - yes we had an organized league  - and yes I was the ring leader - some things never change), will be another mile, and then to the bike path that was so far away we had to bring snacks to because of course we would be hungry by the time we got there (fishies with Juice boxes) would be about 6 miles.
But as I reach the fishies/juice box rest spot on the trail, I don't even think my heart rate has risen yet... I've barely run a mile.  How can this be?  It used to be so far away?

I think the truth is it's not that "home" shrunk, it's that the embedded memories of these places in my head are through the eyes of a little kid.  My room was HUGE, I could get lost in my bed, my sister and I could share the bathroom, and that park was 6 miles long - through the eyes of a child. 

But everything in the rear view mirror looks smaller, what is behind you should appear to be getting smaller - the worries, the places, the memories should seem distant in size.   You never forget the past, but you shrink it a bit, store it and learn from it, so you can focus on the present.  It was a good reminder for me, that when you feel stuck in life;  this too shall pass and enter the rear view mirror so you can focus all your energy on the now; because that's too BIG not to give all your energy to.

I'm the cute one on the right,  already acting "BIG" with my child in arm, ha.

"Mr. Magoo"

Yes, that is the title I am choosing for my 1^st blog post :)  I mean if you know me, it’s a tad out of my league to be writing a blog in the first place.  When Nicole informed me that in 10 days my post needed to be ready, I would be lying if I didn’t have a little bit of a freak out moment (um….how do you write a blog, where do I do it, oh god, I hate writing)!  But hey just like the track at 5am, you suck it up and go BIG with an awesome title like “Mr. Magoo”!

So Mr. Magoo, we all have them, it’s that person who is your absolute go to guy/gal to keep you in peak performance (insert chiropractor, massage therapist, MAT guy, sports doc, etc.) - - you know the “you are in tears and think you tore, pulled, broke, sprained,  bruised something” and then you go see them and you come out skipping J  In Chicago, I have this guy Dr. Mike who Adam hooked me up with, he “fixed” my terribly “torn” adductor – except I guess it wasn’t really?  In Providence I had Kristin and Jay; I can’t cite a specific example because it was always something.  In Cincinnati, Aaron was my guy; he has MAGIC hands and can fix anything.  In Minneapolis I had a guy, who was weird as all, but hey he healed my terribly sprained ankle, well ok, it wasn’t really sprained.  You get the point.  Especially when you are training, you are so in tune with your body, every single tweak you notice.  Aches, which most people would normally just shrug off, bring you to the verge of a mental breakdown.  Anyways, now that I have moved again I am in the process of finding my “Mr. Magoos” here in AZ.  I have been having this “terrible” back/shoulder pain, and so I was trying this guy recommended by another runner (”he is amazing… he just touches you and boom you are good”).   PERFECT I think, exactly what I need!  An AZ “Mr. Magoo”.    I tell a close friend I am going to see him, and she texts me “Who is that, sounds like a cartoon character?”  So don’t ask me why I call them Mr. Magoo, it’s just a name for a magic running doctor? :)

This is going somewhere, I promise.

Certain this is the magic bullet, I go to him, and I’m just going to state it – it was weird.  I am use to scraping, deep tissue, ART, stretching, cracking …right?  The type of manipulation where you KNOW something is going on.  But, you see this Mr. Magoo, he literally was just touching (if that) my shoulder….and I was trying to be patient, thinking , oh man, what a waste of time, I should have just gotten a massage, this is ridiculous.  He keeps telling me to relax and feel the blood flow change - - what?  He abruptly stops and says, “Ok, it is healed”.  Hmmmm, but it still feels like someone is stabbing me in my back?  “Well”, he replies, “I have done what I can do; I think the real problem is your posture is literally leaning away.  And when one’s spine is leaning backwards, it means the individual is leaning away from something in their life - and it is often because he/she does not think they deserve what is out there.  And instead, they just have to realize, they do in fact deserve it, and ask, WHY NOT ME?” 

Right, so my back is killing me because I am leaning backwards.  I am half way out the door, what a waste of time and money this was. 

Clearly, not my Mr. Magoo.

And so here we are.  I am writing this 1^st blog to tell you 2015 is going to be the year of LEANING IN.    And, this is not a reference to the popular book out there about leaning in (which is excellent by the way)….I am leaning in, in a very different way, on three fronts.  One, everyone knows by now (as I accidentally announced it on Face Book twice); I am engaged to my best friend.  It is not that I do not want to be; instead it is that I am loyal and close to so very few, and I guess in a way it scared me, but there is no one I love more, and who gets me more than Justin.  I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with him, so yes, I am leaning in to that whole thing J  Two, my career, the current role I am in is a little scattered, there is a lot to cover, and really no time; so I have been kind of executing the play book, delivering the results, driving the business, but not really in my style.  2015 is about leaning into breakthrough, maybe passing on the average opportunities, which could fire up a few, but going for the BIG ONES, the game changers, leaving a legacy.  And three, I am leaning into my dream.  I think most folks who know me would say……but you have been “all in” on that?   Well, perhaps on a level, but not the level I need to get there.  I never have believed in myself, that I was good enough.  And that’s the difference.  I could not be more excited to be running for the Sonoran Distance Project, one of the few sub-elite running teams in the US, all female.  And I am even more excited to announce that the company which has been so supportive to date of my dream, P&G, will be the corporate sponsor of the Sonoran Distance Project. They will enable the team to be fully equipped with racing kits, body and blood work - - so all 15 of us can train at the level we need to.   I truly believe sponsors (both financial and personal) make everything and anything possible.  I have been so blessed in my life to have many personal ones that I forever hold deep in my heart and I will talk more about them in my next post, as well as a few new financial ones that are REALLY cool. But this one I had to let out of the bag :)
sonorandistanceproject.com

Phew, the first one is always the hardest, right?  I hope :(  As for what’s to come here, probably a monthly post - - unless people think this is so bad, I get paid to turn it off, or someone hacks my blog and locks it?  The next one will be about Sponsors…and after that it will be about the journey to chasing this crazy dream that wakes me up every morning, and has me dreaming every night.

Until next time, happy trails, xoxoox

CB

Ps… Did I mention the pain in my back/shoulder is gone?