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Friday, December 26, 2014

BIG

As I travel back to AZ, I have a long flight to think about how I have been coming "home" now for 10 years since graduating college; the major holidays, beautiful weddings, sad funerals, and some mom surprises in there.  And in doing so, it never ceases to amaze me how "BIG" I feel.

Walking into my old room, I feel like the Jolly Green Giant - for real.  I mean how did I live in here for so many years my arms can basically touch the width of the room.  My feet dangle over the end of bed, and the bathroom my sister and I shared makes me claustrophobic!

As I plan my running routes, I guesstimate the park behind our house will be about a mile, then down the street we use to play "KHL" on *(Kids Hockey League - yes we had an organized league  - and yes I was the ring leader - some things never change), will be another mile, and then to the bike path that was so far away we had to bring snacks to because of course we would be hungry by the time we got there (fishies with Juice boxes) would be about 6 miles.
But as I reach the fishies/juice box rest spot on the trail, I don't even think my heart rate has risen yet... I've barely run a mile.  How can this be?  It used to be so far away?

I think the truth is it's not that "home" shrunk, it's that the embedded memories of these places in my head are through the eyes of a little kid.  My room was HUGE, I could get lost in my bed, my sister and I could share the bathroom, and that park was 6 miles long - through the eyes of a child. 

But everything in the rear view mirror looks smaller, what is behind you should appear to be getting smaller - the worries, the places, the memories should seem distant in size.   You never forget the past, but you shrink it a bit, store it and learn from it, so you can focus on the present.  It was a good reminder for me, that when you feel stuck in life;  this too shall pass and enter the rear view mirror so you can focus all your energy on the now; because that's too BIG not to give all your energy to.

I'm the cute one on the right,  already acting "BIG" with my child in arm, ha.

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