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Tuesday, December 19, 2017

CIM Recap

The good thing about waiting so long to recap CIM is that it isn’t a gut reaction.
The bad thing about waiting so long to recap CIM is that it isn’t a gut reaction.
Over the course of the past few weeks I’ve been asked almost every day, so - how’d it (CIM) go? What do you think? Are you happy? Are you upset? You must be pumped!? You must be so disappointed, right? To which I’ve answered almost every time, “I think... I’m still processing it”.

I remember the day before and just experiencing, what I think most runners would agree is the best part of the sport, the community.

Hugging my UCAN rep, Katie.  I talk a lot about UCAN and how much it flat out works; but maybe more important to me is the people behind the brand.  They have witnessed many highs and many lows; they "get" that it's part of the sport, and I will never forget the text Katie sent me after the race.  I would do anything for these guys; when I get that OTQ I want to physically give part of the finish line to them๐Ÿ’—

One of the coolest parts of the sport is how approachable the best of the best are; this is Steph (top 10 at NYC this year) and Ben Bruce (stud runner himself) with their coach Ben Rosario from NAZ Elite.

And me and Brenda!!!  I met Brenda at Kara's retreat (see previous blog on that๐Ÿ˜‰) - she has to be one of the coolest people ever!  She is a rockstar at Oiselle and we actually still keep in touch!

Another cool part of the running community is how really, it's all one big family.  This is Sally, who started Oiselle, who Kara (Adam's wife) runs for - I know Kara and Adam both love her to death so I figured if they love her, I have to meet her - and wow, yes she is amazeballs ๐Ÿ˜Š

And running buddies!!!  Many long runs with this rock star Bry!๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’š

I remember the night before spending time with my mom and Mrs. Cyr who flew in and feeling incredibly grateful.
I remember bagel boy at Whole Foods; we both were eyeing the blueberry bagel package because thy had the highest carb count ๐Ÿ˜‰ he took the last one, and I probably looked like a little kid whose favorite toy was taken away๐Ÿ˜ฉ However, 5 minutes later when I was there and Justin was telling me to just decide, bagel boy came back  after he had paid for them and gave me one! II truly believe the majority of people have an amazing heart given the chance.
I remember sleeping like a rock, as all the work had been done at this point, and the training cycle such a grind, I was/am just tired.
I remember waking up at 4, fueling with UCAN and a bagel (yes the blueberry one๐Ÿ˜‰), and reviewing the course one last time.
The proverbial pre-race shot....note my shoes are perfectly coordinated with my racing singlet #planned

I remember the boarding the athlete bus in the pitch dark and being totally at peace.
I remember the elite start corral and seeing all the faces you start to see over and over again from being in the same circle (another incredible aspect of the sport); and just wanting to start.
I remember the first 10 miles thinking the pace felt like I was walking? 6:35's were too easy; this must be a good sign?!
I remember at 13 smiling at Adam & Kara in my head, my pace was exactly what they beat into me the night before on the "pep talk" phone call.
I remember shortly after 13 thinking...okay it's time to start squeezing it down a little, and then pressing the gas pedal; and it really not working.  But, not panicking. 
I remember at 15, thinking I shouldn’t even be here (NEGATIVE MIND SWIRL๐Ÿ’ฉ), if you asked me in April if I would be running today I wouldn’t have been even able to look you in the eye.
I remember at 17, slamming on the gas pedal to squeeze it down, and having absolutely nothing there. And panicking.
I remember nailing the fueling plan, I felt fine, I didn’t hit the wall, there just was nothing in the tank beyond 6:35.
I remember at 22 6:35 started to slip away and there was nothing, nothing I could do, in my mind I was sprinting. In reality I was slowing.
I remember at 24 entering the pain cave and telling myself to suck it up this was for Jane Cyr.
I remember crossing the line and hearing my mom call my name because I can hear my mom’s voice among 14,000+ people any day.  
I remember the hug.

I remember bagel boy. Yep after 26 miles, and among some 14,000+ people we ran into each other. Tell me that was not meant to happen?!


I remember the moments afterwards feeling elated, disappointed, confused, grateful, exhausted, excited, like a winner, like a failure, full, empty...but keeping that inside because what mattered most was the hug.



I remember sitting on the curb at the hotel all clean and ready to go waiting for the LYFT to come and Justin saying, so how do you feel about all this. And tears welling up. And he hugged me and said , I thought so.

And so life goes on, and some days I felt so pissed at myself, and others, so grateful, and others, lost.

And usually as more time goes on, I get more analytical and critical with myself; but this time it’s the opposite.

Going in, our "A" plan was 2:53, 6:35 pace.  I ran 2:56:08.  I never hit the wall, I never ran out of gas, I just didn't have any gas.  

I decided I’m proud of CIM. I decided that I did what I set out to do amongst a lot of !%$& that happened in 2017. And I never ever gave up, when many have bagged it after February. I decided I feel really far away from something that means a whole lot to me, but I gained something more this year then any qualification could ever deliver - acceptance.

I nailed the race plan, I nailed the fueling plan, I got the hug...I just didn’t have it. It wasn’t in me. And all things considering I decided I am proud of what was in me.

The more miles I run, the more I realize it's about the story behind those miles.  The miles that made this CIM story were filled with a lot of struggle, pain, and fight.  I ran every single mile in a fight against cancer.  And cancer didn't win.  We won.    I love you Jane Cyr, xoxoox ❤

Bring on 2018!




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