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Saturday, October 7, 2017

Workout(s)

2 weeks ago....
"Workouts" for runners are kind of a big deal.  You plan your week around them. If you know what they are in advance they can create anxiety.  If you are waiting for them the day before, they can create insane anticipation.  Once completed, they always deliver relief.
A runner's mood can hinge on the outcome of the weekly workout.  A training block is built upon not one workout, but consistent performance of one upon another upon another.  You can "feel" your fitness growing, and your confidence right along side of that.
Since running competitively I have completed lots of workouts.  Some better than others, some huge confidence builders, some stinkers, some average, but I have never really bombed one.  I have been with Adam for about 3 years now, and he just knows my ability/capability really well.  The prescribed splits have pretty much always been spot on.  
Thursday night I got the workout for Friday morning, and it was a softball.  The paces were stupid easy, and normally I would push back but I had been traveling, I hadn't been feeling very well, and it hadn't been a great week - not dead legs, but just nothing in the tank.  So I figured this was best, just get the turnover going and use it as a confidence booster.  
I went to bed Thursday night excited to kick it and in a good mood.  Lately, I have been doing my track workouts with my track angel, Bill. He's the head coach at Notre Dame Prep, and a great running mind.  In tandem with Adam, it's been perfect.  But, I didn't want to overuse the welcome mat,  so I figured for this one I would go by myself at 6 am at a community college.
I woke up, happy to be home, happy to be back with Justin, feeling much better, ready to rock:
6 X 800 @ marathon pace with 800's in between @ long run pace (3 warm up/3 cool down), net 12.

Got to the track, warmed up, felt good.  
Rep 1: hmmmm, this feels clunky, this pace feels sick hard, I must be going way too fast, click...3 seconds over, yikes....ok, that felt a lot harder then that pace....totally unacceptable, get it in gear CB.
Rep 2:  Dang without recovery this kinda sucks, why do I feel like I have never run before? Everything hurts.  I'll nail this one b/c I am breathing really hard...click...7 seconds over,  NO.
Rep 3:  Ok, well at least the in between paces seem natural, first 2 are just off, no biggie, you've had a really tough week, just grind this out, come on CB, click...8 seconds over....
tears welling up in eyes 😩
Rep 4:   Maybe I should bag it, I've read a lot lately about being smart, and on days when you dont have it, sometimes its smarter to shut it down....yep, I mean I'm tired, I haven't eaten my usual all week, I'm stressed, the travel, yea, I'll just do this one more if I get it, I'll keep going, if not, I'll bag it...click, 1 second over.  Ugh....what is wrong?
Rep 5:  Ok, this is ridiculous, suck it up CB, get these last two, you got this, you are not giving up now, stop saying all the reasons you can't, and say the one reason you can - this is for Mrs. Cyr, dig DEEP...let;s go....click, 2 seconds over.  Something is wrong.  My legs aren't dead, I am.
Rep 6:  Alright, all out sprint, this is stupid, if you were smart you would  have stopped, but you didn't, you're finishing this, so red-line it.  Everything you got, right here.   Click.  Sub 2 seconds.

The rest of Friday, I just went through the motions.  I didn't know what to think.  I know one workout doesn't define you, doesn't make or break a training block, but this was the ultimate softball.    I tried my best to hide my tears when talking to Adam on the phone later that day,   I was pinching my arm NOT to cry.  He ended the conversation with "I like the way you rallied back at the end".  All I could think is was that my last rally?
And I never posted this.
90% of the posts I write I never press publish on.  I write them and then think, no one is going to care to read this.  It's much easier for me to write then to talk, so I guess it's just as helpful for me to write it, regardless of whether I press "publish" or not.  But if I am truly honest, I think I also for the first time in my life didn't know how I would respond, if I could rally.  And for me,  that was scary territory; and putting that in writing was even scarier.

Yesterday...
I knew the workout since Monday.  And I dreaded it.  It was a repeat of 10 X 1K that I did about a month ago.  It's brutal.  It's a long workout that demands pretty intense mental and physical focus. Last time I did it, I would actually call it pretty much a success, but it was a big struggle, and I definitely did not nail it by any means.  The back (5) I lost the pace quite a bit, until Bill yelled at me and then I finished strong.
But now, I don't know if I could pull that off.  Perhaps one of the toughest workouts - a week after my debacle.
I thought about it all week. I visualized success....but it never lasted, bad thoughts crept right in.
On Thursday, I finally gave in, I texted Adam and said I was really nervous...my hope(?)  he would say let's do something else.  That didn't happen.😒  He stoked me like only he knows how to, slightly pissing me off, and finishing with  "Win this workout CB".
Win This Workout.
That would be my rallying cry. Get the "W".  (Fitting for the Cubbies too)

I knew I needed Bill and so had arranged to meet him at the track early....he knew the workout well, and knew the prescribed paces.  He was just as dialed in as I was.
Rep 1:  ok, Just like we reviewed on the phone, hit the 100 in 23, 200 in 46.....got it, click - right on
Rep 2:  same thing, again CB, come on...click - right on
Rep 3:  ok now you know the milestones...settle in.....losing it a little after the 400 mark, keep on, click, right on
Rep 4:  All I hear is Bill's voice and my breath, I am in the zone, click....nailed it
Rep 5:  Hang on for one more....click, got it
Intermission...THIS.IS.HAPPENING.  Bill tells me to use arms more when I am tired takes the mind of the pain cave.
Rep 6:  Ok, this is where I lost it last time, stay tuned in, click...BOOM.
Rep 7:  These next two are the most important Bill says, stay dialed in...click, nailed it.
Rep 8:  Hardest one, legs starting to feel heavy, entering pain cave, click..nailed it.
Rep 9:  One more to one more, everything else is gone, just Bill's voice,  click, nailed it.
Rep 10:  Do not let this go, this is for Mrs. Cyr, focus.....use your arms, use your arms, click,  "W".

Splits from the workout on 8/23  vs. Yesterday

I debated about posting this; especially because I didn't have the courage to post part one...but the more I thought about it, I thought why not?  This hasn't been the smoothest of training cycles by any means, it's been nothing like my Chicago Build-up, it's been a grind, it's made me question everything...and yet it's moments like this, that give you hope, that keep the lows at bay, that remind me at the core what it means to fight...just like Mrs. Cyr.
And so, we keep fighting👊

That's the post workout Double W -->  W on the shirt for the Cubs, W on the hands for the workout.


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