(Don't) GOOGLE it.

Google has served a very pivotal role in my adult life.  Most of life's profound mysteries have been answered by this all knowing source.

• I think there is a bird chirping in my apartment, but I can't find it? 
• GOOGLE:  The batteries in your fire alarm need to be changed
• How do you make coffee?  (Seriously - they don't put it on the container, and if you don't drink it, but your guests do this is an issue)
• GOOGLE:  full out step by step directions thank you
• When do you send out your Save the Dates?
• GOOGLE:  every yak has an opinion, so we split the difference but it gave us an idea

And the list could go on and on.....but when it comes to medical issues - it should be illegal to Google.

• I think I got bit by a spider, how do I know?
• GOOGLE:  Basically I almost called my mom 2x in one day to tell her I probably only had 36 hours to live
• I think I strained my hip flexor, how long until I can run again?
• GOOGLE:  Your career is over, you have a labral tear.

I mean Justin pretty much put a self ban of Google on for me.  4 weeks ago I started to feel a tug at my hip flexor, and so I did 20 X 200 because I am smart.  And then it felt worse.  And then I did the hardest workout of my career 4 days later because I am REALLY smart.  And then I was done for 4 weeks. Brilliant.

Now, to really be smart I decided to engage Mr. Google and see how I could "fix" this.  And that is when I texted Becky in tears.  

• I had a labral tear
• My leg would probably need to be amputated at the hip
• I would never run again

So if you haven't figured it out by now, I've had a little bit of an ill -afforded setback in training because of my hip flexor strain.  Which sucks, and I am not going to lie  - this year has been ruthless, but this time I had Becky.  Within a week we had it calmed down, within 2 weeks short painless runs, and now at the end of 3 weeks I am running again.  It was a full court press - some days spending up to 3 hours on it.  Watching her work is masterful...she assesses, she stretches, she stabilizes, and then she strengthens.  She has a plan back to the miles and so there is no time to swirl in your head, you just follow it, and it works.  Without her this year, the most important year of course, would be lost.

And yes, last weekend I was supposed to be racing the Chicago 1/2  - doing what I love most in front of the people I love most.  And instead I was running in a pool with Iron Man next to me telling me his life story for the 3rd time, but I hadn't heard in 4 months so I guess I needed a refresher.  

The question now is where does this leave me.  Well 4 weeks is a really hard to make up for, so at this point we are not sure.  The fitness lost is depressing, but all you can do is get up tomorrow and put one foot in front of the other and work your way back.

Which leads me to this morning as I watched a teammate who always kills it - have a humbling day at the office in the Twin Cities Marathon.  And I thought to myself - why do we do this?

Why do we get up day after day before the sun rises and bang out the miles?  Why do we spend endless hours pre-habbing, foam rolling, maintenance, etc?  Why do we place almost all of our heart on a dream?  And for no glory really, I mean it's running.  Yet the heartbreak from the bad races, injuries, training pitfalls, disappointments, come over and over again.  And I guess I realized that yes it's for me, it's my dream, it's my drive.....but part of what keeps you going, part of what makes you wake up each day and go back at it is for all those people who are pulling for you, who want it just as much as you do.  Crossing that line in 2:43 is just as much for me as it is for them.  The endless hours Becky, coach, my mom, my sister, Justin have given to this....this is for them too.

If it seems like I am bummed, I would say I am more just burned out right now.  Work and training have tipped the scale.  But I end with this....

I find myself missing my family and Justin often these past few weeks.  Last week Justin called to tell me that  the moon was going to do something, I can't remember what because honestly he is always telling me about the moon's "doings".  In fact I joke about it that I don't really follow the moon - but honestly I think it's kind of cute :)  Anyways....when I got home I took a picture of it.  It was beautiful.  I texted it to him, and he texted right back.

At that very moment thousands of miles across the country we were looking at the exact same thing in the sky.  And while his worries and stresses are totally different then mine, I can guarantee you we both had "hope" hanging on that moon.

And it's that hope that will get me up in the morning to put one foot in front of the other. Because it's comeback time :)