Racing!

Ironically the topic I am supposed to blog on for our team's website is "racing".  Which is quite the funny because I am unfortunately nowhere near even thinking about racing as I am still on the DL from the sprained ankle.  BUT, in anticipation and hope for the days ahead I can offer a little something :)

Racing for me used to be my favorite thing in the world, being competitive there is no better outlet for that then race day.  However, in the past few years the mental side of running has really hit me; and taken a little bit of the fun out of running for me.  I don't think I realized the impact mental anxiety has on performance until Thanksgiving this year.  After months of training and a pretty decent racing season I took off a good 3 weeks - of NOTHING.  As part of my Thanksgiving tradition I ran a race on literally one week of training, and got 2nd - on 6:10 miles - that felt like I was walking.  Why?  How did that happen?  No expectations, no stress, nothing on the line.  Since that very moment I have really grown a lot and really started to put that into action - - January and February (2 PRs) were the first indications of this new approach working.  And then I tripped on a rock (but I digress).

But, honestly I don't feel that I am in any position to provide advice or guidance on the mental side of racing.  I am still learning myself. So what I thought I would do is share a race ritual that I do every single time I toe the line - no matter how big or small.

Every single race I dedicate to someone, and I write their name on my shoes.  At the toughest points of the race, at the moments when I don't think I can keep the pace, when I want to give up, I think of that person - what they have gone through, what they have done for me, what they mean to me - - and time and time again, I get through that rut, and get a second wind.

Running can be seen as such a selfish, individual sport - but that is so far from the truth.  Because it is just you against the miles the support and love you get from other people determine your success.  I remember running Chicago 2010 in the 100 degree heat for a huge hero of mine, breast cancer survivor and fighter, Mrs. Cyr.  As the thermometer climbed and people dropped like flies, I vividly remember speeding up thinking this was a joke compared to the fight she was having.  At the time it was a PR (3:03) in conditions that shut down the marathon early.  That wasn't me - that was her, I am pretty sure, pushing me.  

It's my absolute favorite part of this whole journey, and quite frankly I CANNOT wait to get another chance to sit down the night before a race and "do the shoes"!

I have been doing this for years so I literally have hundreds of shoes/examples, but here are a few  - you get the idea :)

Birthday HOPE

I am about to hit the rack on my birthday, which is weird because technically I do not think I was even born yet, it's 9 pm and I think I came late.  But I mean I barely make it up for New Years ... I need to keep my nerd status.  Anyways, another pointless digression...what I meant to say was before I go to bed, I thought I would do a quick update.

The past 2 weeks have not been any easier to be perfectly honest.  Moments of extreme hope, crashed by the reality of another lost week.  I learned though that in a lot of ways "hope" is what gets us through.  Every night I would go to bed, and think it feels good, I bet in the morning it will be 100%!  And then it wouldn't.  But then later in the day it would start to feel different, and I would tell myself this is it, its turning for the better!  And I have played this game for 1.5 months now :)  You could call it stupidity, or call it HOPE.  I prefer the later.

Hope ultimately is what keeps us going when we face adversity - - hope of healing, hope of resolution, hope of what the future holds, etc.  For an injury, every dr appt, every PT session, every ice bucket gives us something to look forward to and know that after that, it just might be healed. So I can't give up until after that _________(fill in the blank).

 There is clear difference though between "hope" and "the grass is always greener on the other side".  Hope is real.  It's a light that guides you when the chips are down.  It IS what makes you keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Whereas the "grass" theory is always thinking I can't wait until this role is over, this month ends, that person moves, this race is over, etc.  Wishing away the now, for what lies ahead is fraught for disaster.  You never appreciate the life you live now.  It's funny because sometimes I can see myself grow up; previously when faced with adversity I would do the "grass theory" - I can't wait for 2 months from now because I will be happier - things will just be better.  During this injury, it's been quite the opposite - fueled by hope each day - because I am happy NOW, and want to be right where I am at.  I want to work through the injury and become stronger, and learn from it, I want these days of this journey - because the journey truly is more important then the destination.  And I don't want to wish away any of it.  Sure I wish it didn't happen at all, but I am starting to see the lessons embedded in all that we face.  And wishing it all away defeats the purpose of the lesson you need to learn - thus you'll get it again :)

So the update, slowly but surely the ankle is getting a lot better.  I am running again, albeit slowly and conservatively as we build up.  I feel slow and out of shape. And humbled to be back at square one after months of hard work.    I had to withdraw from St. Louis and Eugene which was a rough day.  And I had to face the reality of the clock as well.

But, HOPE kept me going, we developed a new plan, a new timeline and that is my "light".  So I work to win each day for that plan, and cling to the hope it provides me.

Today was the ultimate ray of hope - I prayed for a birthday wish weeks ago that I would be able to run with the team as I saw the day landed on Sunday (Sunday long runs).  And I did - and it felt 97% painless.  It wasn't fast, it wasn't far, but it was.  And from here I can build.  It gives me hope about tomorrow, it gives me hope about the new plan, it gives me hope about clinging on to my dream.

Birthday Wish Run - no better present :)

Win the Day

This is the phrase I am using throughout this fun rehab.  Last week as I was going out the door to pool run, I NAILED my toe on my bookshelf (I know right? Kick a girl when she is down); and a book fell off the shelf, it was Drew Brees' "Coming Back Stronger".  I have it, never read it.  Figured maybe it was a sign, and started to read it.  Funny how things work, it's all about him coming back from injury.  It literally is the only thing getting me through this.  Any way - his phrase was don't worry about tomorrow (time ticking by, not going to be able to run Eugene:( and focus on doing what you need to do TODAY to get back - WIN THE DAY.
So everyday I am doing everything I can with diet, supplements, PT, conditioning to keep the level of fitness I was at and heal.

Quick Update on Training...

Miles for this week= 0

Monday:
AM: 5 am pool running for 1.5 hours (did 10 X 1:00, 10 X :30, 10 X :15) then did hip prehab routine...went into locker room and lady who laughs at everything was there; no matter what I say. Started to think maybe I actually am funny?  Then I said have a good day and she laughed hysterically.  Dang,  Ok I guess I'm really not, she just laughs at everything.  Back to reality.

PM:  Went to PT before work trip.  Started out swell.  Asked me to warm up on treadmill.  Old CB - would have been half way home thinking what a waste of time.  New CB - calmy..."Um, I am here because I cannot run, sorry :("

Tuesday:
AM:  Mile repeats on elliptical - massive sweat pool; someone at gym told me to buy "arnica" it heals sprains - I stop at CVS and buy 3 bottles.  It doesn't.

PM:  PT, swimming, strength, someone told me Vitamin D Helps everything heal, stopped at CVS bought a bottle, not working yet.

Wednesday:
AM:  Pool running, why isn't this an Olympic sport?

PM:  PT, mini breakdown, Pilates

Thursday:
AM;  Pool Running, great work call, team bet me 3% chance I could sell something in, sold it in, at least I got that going for me :) Sort of fills the competitive void.

PM:  PT, mini breakdown, swimming

Friday:
AM;  tried treadmill, epic fail, flew home next to drunk woman who had 2 bud lights at 7:45 am, massage on ankle/foot

PM:  PT, heard a "pop" thought that was good sign, super positive, tomorrow will be the day!

Saturday:  Not the day! Tried to run, breakdown...drove to pool, 2 hours pool running, hard, as I was pissed.  Yoga.  Someone told me to try KT tape, lets you run on Sprained ankles, stopped at CVS to buy a package.  At this point thinking I should buy stock in CVS.

At this point just trying to stay positive, and know that there is a reason.  There is a plan, I just need to accept it and keep working hard.    I am working hard, not sure I am accepting it yet - why is that SO hard for me?

ANYWAYSSSSSSSSSSSS.......Now on to more positive things!

1st, thank god for friends.  This is an ENTIRE jar of homemade almond butter - - my favorite food used to be peanut butter, this has now been replaced.  MASSIVE cheer up for me, good friends are priceless.

2nd, when I do start to run again, I will look darn cute! Got 2 new packages from Skechers!

3rd, enough about me!  How about a gift for YOU.  I think you have heard me harp about Nuun a lot, and how it saved my running when I was dealing with serious dehydration/fatigue - which basically we all are.  60% of EVERYTHING you drink should include electrolytes - - it's amazing how much better I feel after I replace those suckers.  Anyway, now through March 26th, you can use this code and get 20% off!!   LuckyNuunFriends

Acceptance

Acceptance:   a person's assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it, protest.

I learned a hard lesson these past 3 weeks.  I am not good at "accepting" the cards life deals me, masked through my terrible impatience, it truly is my inability to "accept".
It's hard to come to this reality as it is this exact unwillingness to accept that is the backbone of my inherent  drive that makes me known for being wicked competitive, never giving an inch, performing better then my ability would suggest, and getting things done FAST in a company known as the Titanic.

On the one hand my inability to "accept" has helped me. Top of mind examples...
1)  Physics Class Junior Year, I literally would NOT accept a "D" from Mr. Tilley.  Sure that is what all my test scores earned but hell over high water was I bringing that home and becoming ineligible for basketball.  I remember literally BEGGING him for 3 hours for extra credit to get a "C".  It worked.  Perhaps the greatest sell job of my career.  No hurt to others, and quite frankly Physics is pointless then and now - - knowing when a ball drops compared to when you threw it, is plain ridic.  So here - - my not taking NO for an answer saved me - and possibly my life given I am pretty sure my mom would have thrown me out the window.

2)  Sports/Running/Life in general:  I cannot think of a race, of a team, of a game, of an illness where I gave up.  I REFUSE to accept not being at the top.  Refuse.  And I will not let illness, injury win, in my mind that is unacceptable.  I will not give in to weakness of the body.

On the other hand, this same inability to "accept" has set me back.  Top of mind examples...
1) Finance 301 in College:  I REFUSED to accept buying a financial calculator because I was too cheap.  That was ridiculous to spend money on for something I was going to use in one class.  I could do it in my head.  Until it was the week of finals and I had an F.  I had to ace the exam to pass.   I borrowed one from someone reading this :)  insisting it would work.  I gave in, got an A on the exam, passed.  I would have saved countless hours of FREAKING OUT had I just accepted it's what is needed, it was normal.  It's life. It was $70 CB, $70 frikkin dollars.

2)  Tennis:  This is the only sport I cannot beat Justin in,  I think it is the only time we had a meaningful fight.  I refused to lose.  To the point where I finally won after I made Justin play literally for hours in 100+ degree temps until I won.  And to do so he gave me 1 alley, then 2 alleys, then unlimited faults, then he always had the side with the sun.  But I won.  Looking back, what did I gain from that?  Nothing.  Not a thing.  But probably drove him nuts and ruined his day. Let's just gloss over the fact too  that this was when we just STARTED dating...my god if I was him, I would have run for the fences.

The truth is sometimes I think we spend too much time in life fighting what "is":  whether it be relationships with family, role at work, life situation, or like for me, this time, injury.

I think ultimately that;s what tears are right? Not accepting.  Seems like when you let those suckers out, you move on.  But I selfishly struggle when to accept and when to fight.  On the one hand I will not accept illness, failures, obstacles, but on the other hand I mettle too much in the plans that are meant to be.  And I exhaust myself and others by doing it.

I lived this AGAIN this week.  Past 3 weeks since that stupid rock tripped me (see previous post), I could NOT accept it.  If I had, I would be running right now.  Here is my update on training  this past week.  0

Impressed?

I had worked too hard to stay healthy, I was not going to let some stupid rock sideline me, all that fitness, hell no.  I was racing on the 28th, whatever it took.  So I punished myself with endless rehab, massage, and pool work to get back.  I barely did.  And I raced.  And I bombed.  My ankle had no business racing.  To really compete the body has to be in near perfect condition.  Racing 13 miles on a Grade 2 sprained ankle really was stupid.  Understatement.  But I could not accept ANYTHING less.  So now I get to accept not being able to run at all.  I get to accept this as my track.

To make it worse, this week I still could not accept it.  And so every morning I would wake up and "try" - and then do the walk of shame home,  EVERY SINGLE DAY.  I've done the MRIs, the PT, the rehab.  The truth is...it just needs time and I need to accept that.  I am tired of playing "fix it", and ready to play "accept it".

It's not an easy lesson to swallow, especially as the clock is ticking this year :( But there is a plan, and I am going to accept it, and do whatever it takes within "not mettling" reason to get back.

And for the rest of this year my word in all aspects of my  life is going to be "ACCEPT"....let life live itself and don't mettle with it.

I'll be writing more this week, the pool is actually quite humorous with a whole new cast of characters...the old ladies doing water fitness, the teenage lifeguard drama, and the marine who is an IronMan and tells me everyday I'll be running again in no time :)

Until then, I will be accepting it :)

Rock, Recovery, and Race

Phoenix 1/2 Marathon Race Review

I am writing this fast and quick so I can move on.   Back to the grind tomorrow.

Ah, where do I start with this one?  Not a great past 2 weeks for me.  President's Day (Monday) I was out on a "recovery" run and a rock happened to be misplaced on the trail :) and I tripped badly....like trip to urgent care with x-rays badly.

It crushed me.  I know, I know - - are you kidding me your head could have split open? No Broken bones?  You are lucky!  Right, Right - but I knew the next 2 weeks would be mentally draining.  And they were.  Non stop rehab.  Laser therapy, pool running 2x a day, painful massage (tear invoking), and writing the ABC's with my ankle 10x a day - I will never think about the alphabet the same way again (for years it brought images of Big Bird and Grover, now it will forever be sprained ankles).

Miraculously, I was given the clearance to run this week - and I knew I had lost fitness - just crushing because of a stupid mistake.  Of all years when you need all the stars aligned it bummed me - and knowing what a bunch of teammates are going through  - made me feel selfish to even think that.

Wednesday we decided to "green light" it after nailing "WOW"  Workout Wednesday :).  So now 2 days till race day was foreign to me, I am so used to getting focused a week prior, visualizing the course, talking race strategy, and planning splits.  Now I was just.....well happy to be running it....except well yea with a cold :(  I can't tell you the last time I have been sick with a cold, like 4th grade? The kind where your head weighs 50 lbs and my sinuses made me look like a walrus.  Sweet.

So I spent the 2 days getting refocused and doing all  my pre race routine tactics to get in mode. Including windexing the crap out of  everything - terrible nervous anxiety habit  - with a tissue in my other hand, sneezing every spray.  Classic.

This was an early one, started at 6:30 am - which involved a 4am wake up call.  I actually slept like a log because my head was so heavy to hold up anyway.  Had my almond butter and bread, did my hip routine, and headed to the race.

After a 3 mile warm-up, I was feeling really good.  And that was the peak of the day.

Just never got into a groove.  Goal had been 6:15 pace, and I didn't hit 6:15 ONCE, ended up 1:24:11 I think, 3rd place AG.  6:25 pace.  Gross.

The good news, is teammates, Ariana WON it, Amy, got 2nd, Nat got 2nd in AG, I got 3rd in AG.  We all were Top 10 overall, and represented SDP well.

If I am honest,  I am more worried about mentally bouncing back from this one, never good to go backwards.  It bites.

But, no use looking backward, the sidewalk ended - time to start a new path to 2:43.  First things first this week is about getting the ankle back to 100%, Building back my base again, and looking forward to just training for a month.  3 races in 1.5 months has me a little mentally drained.

Thank god for teammates, they make the rollercoaster lows a little more bearable.

Feedback + "Jason"

It is amazing to me that people actually read this blog!  As part of the Sonoran Distance Project we all have blogs, it is a way to engage the running world and also create awareness for the women's running movement.  A tad nervous,  I figured at least my mom would read it, but after I sent it out and saw 700 people opened it  -  I knew my mom loved me, but that would be a lot of re-reads - - other people must be reading this?!

And with that comes feedback, which I am 100% open to....and appreciate.  Here are what I hear most consistently:

• You need to post more often
• You need to be detailed in your training, what are your weeks like?
• What exactly do you do for recovery, for strength?
• Who is your Fiance?
• What do you eat?

So, I am going to cover all of these - not at once, but here and there. My only disclaimer is remember this is just what I do, what is working for me, I am by NO means an expert on anything.  So don't get fired up if you disagree, you're probably right ;)  Every athlete is different and has their own "mojo". Deal?!

So with that, I figured it was appropriate to cover the "fiance" question as it is Valentine's Day!  And this is quite humorous because I know he reads this!

My fiance is Justin, aka "Jason".  For some reason, he is always called Jason - by my dad, by mom #2 (Jodi), and even yesterday on the phone with the priest as I was trying to set up the dates, etc., "So where does Jason live?" I was going to correct him, but then I thought, you know I am not going to correct a priest.  We will address that day of. :)

A legit picture of the 2 us actually being serious so you know what he looks like :)

We met when I was an intern at P&G :)  He literally stopped by my desk 4x in one day asking if I would sub for his flag football team.  After three "no's" I thought either a) this guy thinks this is a great pick-up line or b) he is REALLY serious about football and doesn't want to forfeit.  Reflecting back on the situation now, I realize he was really serious about football.  Anyways, I said yes figuring I knew no one in the new city, and maybe I could make friends.  Well, I made one for sure - Justin and I were best friends for about 5 years before we even started dating.  I was dating someone else at the time, and just loved him as a friend.  We did everything together - golfing, movies, basketball, tennis (the one thing he can beat me at), etc.  I then moved to Minneapolis and as fate would have it life threw a rather tough curveball at Justin and though being farther away, we became incredibly close as he battled through that.  I would move back to Cincy, and shortly after we started dating. Then life threw me a curveball, and he became my rock.   And the rest is history!

We are so alike in some ways and so very different in others.  We are both actually huge introverts - most think we are extroverted because we are friendly; but really we love to just hang the two of us and be nerds.  We both are very athletic and sports nuts, and have a deep love for Chicago.  And extremely competitive; he has matured some in that department; I am still a #workinprogress
And the differences are humorous.  I am WICKED Type A - - Justin is my calm, relaxed opposite.  When Justin was here a few weeks ago I remember waking up and seeing him sitting outside on the patio reading.  And I just had to laugh.  I seriously do not think I physically could just get up in the morning and sit down!  But I think that is why we are so perfect for each other - - I like to think I push him in ways to get to places he has never been, and I know for me he is the reason I have not had a heart attack by 30 :)

speaking of heart attack, Justin and I after looking at how much all this wedding stuff costs!

I cannot count the number of times our friends will ask - do you guys EVER fight, you seem like Pollyanna and Peter (I made the names up, but you get my point - like farmer nice).  The answer is not really screaming fighting, we just are not like that.  I cannot say I actually ever screamed at anyone - -we pout.  I got that one from my mom - never once screamed at me, but when I did something stupid - she pouted.  It's worse - trust me.  Anyways, Justin has done many stupid things.  I think my mom and I have mailed numerous shoes, P&G badges, wallets, cellphones, etc to Cincinnati because he lost/left them.  I know for a fact if his head was not attached to his body I would have already mailed it back 3x.   These "situations" have caused me to pout quite a few times because they always seem to happen at the perfect times - you know how that goes.  And I have done EVEN stupider things (ummm...maybe I lost the diamond on my engagement ring!?!).  But I think the beauty of our relationship is we're older now so we realize we're human, humans do dumb things, and they do not do them intentionally.  So we get over it fast and move on.

Justin is extremely smart, very old school gentleman like, and incredibly funny.  We literally can entertain ourselves for hours just walking and talking :)

This is bad behavior for me, but a classic Justin Picture being  ridiculously funny.

And another favorite Justin Story - at a T-Giving Race he got this Fox (don't ask why there is a fox we still don't know) to come behind my mom and ask for a picture  - LOVE THIS.

My family loves him, perhaps more then me even I fear!  But I think the thing I love most about him, is his morals/values.  He truly is the "salt of the earth".  He has been so incredibly supportive of me chasing this dream, it's really unfathomable.  He is my biggest fan - through thick and thin.  I know if I asked him to get the moon for me he would be on the first spaceship out there, probably would leave his wallet there, but whatever.  So I end this post with my all time favorite Justin story.  Perhaps a bit personal, but I think it beautifully demonstrates how lucky I am.

I am Catholic, not a holy roller - I mean probably if the church knew I was saying I was Catholic, they would say - EKKKKKKK can you NOT announce that please :)  But I am, I grew up Catholic, went to Catholic schools, etc.  And through all the moves, the mess, the rough times, you name it the one constant has been my faith.  I never would tell anyone, or push it on anyone, it just is what it is.  Well, after Justin asked me to marry him (another humorous story, see Facebook :) we were talking about the who, what, when, where, etc.  And without me even asking he said let's do it at a Catholic Church - - well if you're Catholic you know that's a whole barrel of worms if you are both not Catholic, totally doable, but it involves, classes, retreats, etc (and right now both of us are a bit strapped for time and in 2 different states).  So I gently said, well let's talk about it because without being Catholic it can be messy.  And to that he said, "I am".  I became Catholic because I saw how much it meant to you.   So without me even knowing he went through the whole process (which is rather...brutal...) for me?

Yes, no more needs to be said.  It's a little thing, but that was probably the moment I knew I was the luckiest girl on earth.  So Justin, Jason, whatever you call him...to me he's my Valentine :)

Pancakes Anyone?

Runner's Den Pancake 10K Race Review

Following through on the promise for quick race recaps, here is a short one on my 2nd race this year as this is one of those times when work (why did I raise my hand to do that?), running (how many miles this week...even after a race?  Ok,  I'll stop asking), life (yes that wedding planning is happening, no Facebook I do not want a t-shirt that says "Stay Calm and Wedding Plan"...p.s. who does buy that crap?) all are colliding at once.

This one was less a focus race and more of a planned workout within a long run, it's tough to take time out to taper "right" for a race because when you do you essentially can take 3 weeks out of your training block.  So unless it's a must for you - you plug right through.  However, I was pretty amped for this one because 5 of us were in this, and would be able to work together to SWEEP top 5 (which we did - #SDPStrongerTogether).    Anyways, as a result I went ahead with a normal week of training and did pretty hard descending ladder mile repeats on Wednesday and another semi-hard effort Friday that left my legs a tad tired.

But, it was good because it gave me another chance to refine my pre-race routine, which I am so pysched about! I have found the perfect fueling and hydration combo that is really working for me.  I am lasting a lot longer in races before I run out of calories.

I think my favorite part of moving to new cities is learning their unique and big races, this Pancake one seemed to be one, lots of history, and sold out - always a good sign.  In fact my only critique is it started at 9:15, I mean when you wake up when I do that's like lunch time :)  As a result, I struggled a bit on the warm-up timing, I did 4 miles beforehand, but I think I did it too early.  I was anxious to just get rolling.

Gun went off, and honestly I can say race strategy went a little south - plan was to race conservative, and 1st mile was 5:50 -epic fail.  After that I evened it out though and finished in 37:55, 4th overall....6:07 pace.  So now I just need to keep that for 20 more miles, with room for a little explosion if needed....right?  No, honestly I felt like I legitimately gained some serious fitness from the 1/2 (6:19 pace) to now, so I am hoping my next half pulls in between these two races in regards to pace, and that will be a very good indicator of progress.

PANCAKE SWEEP #SDPStrongerTogether!

Things that I liked about this race:
1.   Teammates:  it was awesome sweeping and running next to some serious talent.. it's inspiring
2.   New racing Flats:  I love my new Skechers Go Meb's -and speaking of which, today I got my whole shipment and I am in running heaven :)
3.   Pre-race routine is getting tight - and that has been a journey!

#LikeaGirl (with new racing flats!! #GOlikeneverbefore)

Me and amazing Holli who does wonders for Girls on the Run, #youknowyouarejealousofmypancakemugIwon.

Most girls get excited for shoes....but probably not these kind of shoes!?  Got my new Skechers Performance Shipment!

Net, back to work today with a 9 mile recovery run, minimal damage left behind except a small monster grabbing my hamstrings tightly, but that is what Mr. Foam Roller is for!  #GOlikeneverbefore #SDPStrongerTogether #LikeaGirl #BeSwift #TeamNuun